I whirl on him. “You know what, you’ve got a hell of a lot of nerve talking to me about the mating bond when you were okay with letting your mate die to bring you back.”
Rage explodes within me, pure, towering rage that threatens to melt every single part of me. It’s mind-numbing, stroke-inducing, completely catastrophic, and for a brief moment all I can think about is tearing the world apart.
Seconds later, it disappears, just like that. And that’s when I realize, it wasn’t my fury that I was feeling at all. It was Hudson’s, and it was incandescent.
It takes a few more seconds before he’s willing—or able—to talk, and when he does, it’s in a voice that is eminently reasonable and twice as terrifying because of it.
“First of all,” he tells me, “I didn’t ask Lia for a damn thing. Do you think, for one second, I wanted to end up here, like this? A prisoner in your head, a front-row spectator to whatever the hell it is you and Jaxon have going on? Alive but not?
“Second, Lia was not my mate. And third, you have a hell of a lot of nerve accusing me of anything when you have no fucking clue what you’re talking about.”
And just like that, my brain melts all over again. This time, it’s not from anger, though. This time, it’s because the pain underlying all that fury is all-encompassing—and impossible to witness without flinching.
It burns away my own anger, leaves me feeling bereft and anxious and like there’s something I just don’t understand.
The fact that I want to understand is shocking enough. The fact that I want to help is mind-blowing. Except, also not.
“Hudson?” I reach out quietly, hoping to find a way to break through the pain.
But even as I call his name, I know that he won’t answer. I know that, trapped in my head or not, he’s already gone.
66
Frenemies Are
Forever
Once Hudson disappears, I’m at loose ends. I have so many thoughts, so many feelings, that I can’t process them all, so I end up pacing around my dorm room for, like, ten minutes. Eventually, I figure out that he’s not coming back anytime soon, so I do the only thing I can think of to help myself get to sleep. I take a hot shower, hoping, if nothing else, that I can drown all the bizarre feelings roiling around inside me.
After a long shower that does absolutely nothing to settle my nerves or my stomach, I put on a tank and pajama shorts before heading back into the bedroom. Macy’s there, sitting cross-legged on her bed with her earbuds in and a notebook open on her lap. She waves at me but doesn’t try to talk, which means she must be studying.
It works for me, because I don’t have much to say right now. I have so many emotions whirling around inside me that it’s a miracle I can even think, let alone speak.
But then I realize Hudson must have come back while I was in the shower, too, and somehow that makes the emotions better and also worse at the same time. I don’t question it, though. Not now.
He’s slouched in the chair by my desk, the book he was reading earlier open on his lap but his gaze trained on my every movement. He looks wiped, and one glance tells me he feels the same way I do—too raw to want to discuss what was said earlier.
“So, No Exit isn’t quite the scintillating blockbuster you made it out to be?” I ask archly.
Hudson shoots me a relieved look. “I’ve already read it. Several times. Existentialism is so…”
“Last century?”
“Please, have you seen the world news lately?” he asks dryly.
“Good point,” I agree as I walk over to the bathroom sink and squeeze toothpaste onto my toothbrush.
When I’ve finished brushing my teeth and putting my dirty clothes in the hamper, I gratefully flop myself down on the bed. Training for the Ludares tournament with the others was more fun than I’ve had in a long time. But now, after that and sending Jaxon energy, I’m totally exhausted.
And I’m pretty sure I have a couple of major muscle groups that are going to hurt a whole lot tomorrow. Flying definitely uses muscles I didn’t even know I had.
“Did you have fun?” Macy asks, taking off her headphones the second I get settled.
“So much fun. Did you?”
“Oh my God, yes! I can’t believe I’m on a team with Jaxon and Flint and Gwen and Mekhi! I never imagined I’d find myself on such a badass team my first year being able to play. We’re totally going to win this tournament.”
“We have to win the tournament,” I remind her. “We need that bloodstone.”