There’s so much to unpack there that I don’t even know where to start. And for once, Hudson is completely silent, absolutely no help at all. The traitor.
I still can’t believe Jaxon didn’t tell me up front that we were mated. I mean, I get why he didn’t say anything that first day, but why not after the snowball fight or when we started dating?
But I also can’t believe he was going to break the bond—without even asking me. He was going to do something so irrevocable, so painful, so terrible, and he wasn’t even going to get my opinion on the matter. It would have affected me, too, I’m sure of it, and he wasn’t even going to ask?
And now, after we’ve come so far, he brings up breaking the bond again because having Hudson in my head is an inconvenience to him? Even though we’re so close to getting him out another way? A way that leaves the bond completely intact?
“Did she give you the spell?” I finally whisper, because there’s so much to say, I don’t know where to start.
“She did,” he tells me.
My breath catches. “Seriously?” It feels like he just hit me again. “And you took it?”
“I was scared. I’d nearly killed you. I didn’t want to hurt you, Grace.”
“Yeah, because this is a picnic.” I look wildly around his room. “Where is it? Where are you keeping it?”
I don’t know why it matters, but it does. If he knows where it is, if it’s right at his damn fingertips…
“I threw it away.”
“What?” That’s not the answer I was expecting.
“I threw it away the same day she gave it to me. I couldn’t bring myself to do it, Grace. To either of us. Not before we’d even had a chance to try. Not without your permission.”
I blow out a breath slowly as the pain finally ebbs. It doesn’t go away completely, but it slowly dissipates. Because he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t break what was between us before it even got started, and especially without telling me. That makes a difference. If he could, if he’d kept it…I don’t know if I’d ever be able to get past it.
“We’re not breaking the mating bond, Jaxon.”
“It could starve him. Without the energy from the bond to feed on, he would die quickly, right? I think you’d be okay in that scenario. It’s the draining that is slowly killing us all.”
His words poke at all my still-tender spots. “And I’d have to sit by and watch him die. While also being traumatized at the loss of my mate.”
“You wouldn’t lose me. I’d still be here—”
“Just not my mate anymore.” I look at him with what I know is my heart in my eyes and whisper, “Is that really what you want?”
“Of course it’s not what I want!” he practically shouts.
“Good. Then don’t bring it up again.”
“Grace—”
“No.” I want to throw myself at him, to wrap my arms around his waist, but I’m still aching.
“I’m sorry.” He pulls me close, holds me as tightly as I wanted to hold him. “I was only trying to make things better for you.”
“I don’t need that kind of help,” I answer, even as I wonder if that’s really true. If making things better for me is the only reason he brought this up.
“I’m sorry,” he says again. “I’m so sorry.”
I don’t know if it’s enough. Honestly, I don’t know what would be enough right now, but it’s a start. That has to count for something.
“Okay,” I tell him, even though I’m feeling anything but. Still, we’re out of time. We have to get to the assembly.
Maybe if I just breathe for a little while, the pain will go away. And so will the sense of betrayal that’s ricocheting through me.
As I head for the door, I dread having to field Hudson’s snark in the middle of all this. But for once, he doesn’t make a sound.
90
Fire and Bloodstone
I’m still reeling ten minutes later as we make our way to the ceremony. I tell myself that it’s no big deal, that everything is going to be okay—with Jaxon, with the ceremony, with the Unkillable Beast. But how okay can I convince myself things are going to be if Jaxon was willing to sever our mating bond?
Everything feels wrong now, off-kilter. And the fact that Hudson is back to haranguing me definitely doesn’t help.
“Which part of my father murdered every gargoyle in existence do you not understand?” Hudson demands as we make our way down to the auditorium. “Do you think he killed all of them in secret? He did it right out in the open and dared anyone to question him. And if they did, he killed them, too—or at least discredited them. You think he can’t make one silly little girl go away?