“Because I’m right, Jaxon.” I turn to the rest of my friends. “I know you don’t believe me, but I am. I know Hudson isn’t going to hurt anyone again.”
“And if you’re wrong?” Xavier asks. “What then?”
“I’m not wrong,” I tell him as I turn to Jaxon and lay my final card on the table. “And if I say I won’t fly off on Flint’s back to this mythical Arctic island with you?” I ask softly. “What then?”
“Then we go without you.” Jaxon swallows but holds my gaze. “This is more important than any one person. Even you, Grace.”
Pain swamps me, threatens to drag me under, and I don’t have a clue what to say. Because there is no way to solve this dilemma, no way to find common ground among us, even though the stakes are death.
Or maybe because they are. I don’t know anymore.
I’m not sure I know anything anymore. Except that there really is no changing Jaxon’s mind.
Not on this.
Tears slide unheeded down my cheeks.
Poor reluctant prince.
Poor beautiful boy.
I glance around, see the closed looks on all my friends’ faces, and realize that I really am outvoted. I really can’t change their minds. And if I walk away now, if I refuse to go because I know they’re wrong, then I’m lowering their chances of succeeding…and worse, surviving, as they face this Unkillable Beast.
The knowledge wounds me like few things ever have, and all I want to do is scream.
And that’s when I hear Hudson deep in the recesses of my mind. “It’s okay, Grace. Whatever you decide, it’s okay.”
You don’t mean that, I tell him.
“If it gets you to stop crying, then you’re damn right I mean it,” he answers. “This isn’t something you can fix. It’s just something you have to endure. Whatever happens next, I promise I won’t blame you for it.”
It’s not fair, I tell him. It isn’t fair what they’re going to do to you.
His laugh, when it comes, is straight out of a tragedy. “Life isn’t fair, Grace. I thought you’d know that better than most.”
I’m sorry, I tell him as tears slide down my cheeks.
“Don’t be,” he answers. “None of this is your fault.”
The fact that he’s right doesn’t make me feel better. In fact, it only makes me feel worse, even as I reach up and cup Jaxon’s face so he knows that I understand. So he knows that I feel the weight of the world he carries on his shoulders and that I won’t add to it. Not right now. Not over this.
“Fine,” I whisper, even though I know, deep down, that it’s the wrong thing to do. “I’ll go with you. But you have to promise me something in return.”
“Anything,” he answers as his hands tighten on my own.
“If we actually manage to get the heartstone—and survive—you have to promise me that we’ll have this conversation again before we use it. You have to promise me that you’ll give me one more chance to change your mind.”
“You can have as many chances as you want,” Jaxon answers me as he brings my hand to his lips. “I won’t change my mind, but I’ll listen to what you have to say. I’ll always at least listen, Grace.”
It’s not enough. Not close to enough. But it’s all he can give me. So I’ll take it for now and hope for a miracle.
94
Some Days the Glass
Really Is Half
Empty
“I’ve got bad news and more bad news. Which do you want first?” Xavier says the following night as soon as he enters Jaxon’s tower where the rest of us have gathered. Unfortunately, there’s absolutely no levity in his face as he asks.
“Is that even a real question?” Macy rolls her eyes. “If things are that bad, just tell us.”
“Okay, bad news it is, then.” He runs a hand over his face, as if bracing himself to deliver the worst. “I was just making the rounds, checking things out. And there’s absolutely no way we’re getting off campus tonight.”
“What do you mean?” Jaxon demands. “We have to get off campus. We need to find the heartstone tonight, or we won’t be able to free Hudson before the Trials.”
“Yeah, no shit,” Xavier answers. “That’s why I called it bad news.”
“There has to be a way,” Flint says. “The tunnels—”
“I was just down there,” Xavier answers. “They’ve got them closed off, with armed fucking guards standing at every single exit.”