That wasn’t the tone I’d been expecting.
“You figured out I was a soldier, Peg,” I said.
“I thought you were some type of special forces trooper!” she shouted. “The way you prowled about. Words! You had a security drone disguised as a cleaning drone. How was I supposed to know you were a pilot?”
“I’ve probably made it obvious that I know my way around a starfighter.”
“Know your way… No need for kalams of humility. I watched you fly on our scanner, and that was some of the best piloting I’ve ever seen. I spent some time with the drone pilots on Culmira Station, and they have nothing on you, girl. Even Shiver is impressed.”
“Well, I appreciate the compliment,” I told her. “Tell the others I’m sorry for stealing a ship. I have a galaxy to save. Once I’m finished, I’ll see if there’s anything that can be done to help you all.”
“Spin,” Peg said, her voice growing softer. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“Right now? I’m losing you all.”
“Yeah?” Peg said. “Do you know what happens to a person if they stray too far away from the fragments?”
I didn’t respond.
“Even if you survive this next part,” Peg said, “what are you going to do then? You can’t stay up there very long, and our scanner will tell us when you come back down. We’ll be on you in no time. Veer right or left, and you’ll have to deal with one of the other factions.
“I suppose you could move inward—which would run you straight into the Superiority mining facility. Let me promise you that they keep careful watch on their borders—we’ve raided them enough to warrant that. You’re good. But can you outfly a hundred enemy ships? Worse, can you do it in that piece of junk?”
“I guess we’ll see,” I told her.
She swore softly. “A person needs more than muluns, girl. Think for a moment. You can’t survive in this place alone. You need allies, friends, support.”
“Spensa,” M-Bot said, temporarily muting the comm, “look at Chet.”
I glanced over my shoulder and around the seat’s head support to where he sat scrunched up behind. The older man’s eyes had glazed over. He stared ahead, insensate, and didn’t respond when I waved my hand in front of him.
Something began streaming up around him: a glittering, silvery haze. The reality ashes. I felt it too, as they spun around me, like they were…disintegrating?
Being up here was destroying them, perhaps to keep us from losing ourselves. I gritted my teeth and leveled out the ship, not gaining any more altitude.
“Peg is talking again,” M-Bot said quietly.
I nodded, having him restore the comm line.
“You’re going to start feeling it soon, if you haven’t already,” Peg said. “Can you remember yourself, girl?”
“I’m fine,” I said through gritted teeth.
“Are you? Can you remember the faces of your parents? Your friends from home?”
I tried not to listen—but I didn’t dare turn off the comm. Because scud, she was right. What did they look like? The reality ashes seemed to be struggling to keep me from forgetting my identity, and I felt my memories begin to fade.
“Maybe you can fight through an entire armada on your own,” Peg said. “I don’t know. But the longer you stay up there, the more you will lose. And traveling on your own will be bad for you, even if you aren’t so high. Your address back home, your most passionate moments, the names of your lovers. They’ll blur. Your life will become like a smudge on paper—a black smear where words used to be.”
I hovered there, infinity stretching in all directions. Dominated still, however, by the lightburst. And in there, I could feel the delvers. They were hunting for me. Out here, up high, they could find me. And in revenge, they’d do to me something alien, something terrible. They’d take my self. My identity. My memories.
“Something odd has been happening lately,” Peg said over the comm. “I have reports of people becoming like delvers, with glowing eyes. You can’t fly alone, Spin. It’s not because you’re weak. No matter how determined you are, you still need ties to reality.”
I took a deep breath. “I can’t afford to spend years cleaning landing gear, Peg.”
“Girl, you’re wasted on ground crew,” Peg said. “You return, and I’ll give you our best ship.”
“No offense, Peg,” I said. “But I just beat you with a wrench and stole from you. I didn’t want to do it, but you backed me into a corner and forced my hand. I can’t believe that you’d simply let me go after that.”