‘Oh my god,’ Rose whispers.
‘I’m going to jail,’ Conor says. ‘They’ll say it’s manslaughter. I’ve been drinking. They’re going to lock me up. My life will be over . . . I’ll never get a job after this. I just wanted to drive my girlfriend to a party before she left for university, a girlfriend who was probably going to dump me anyway, and now I’m going to jail.’
‘I was never going to dump you, why would you think that?’ Rose says. ‘This was an accident—’
‘An accident I am going to regret for the rest of my life.’
Silence followed. All I could hear was the sound of the sea. It was like a lullaby, and I could feel myself drifting away to somewhere else. Then Conor spoke again.
‘Do we have to make things even worse than they already are?’ he asked.
‘What do you mean?’ said Rose. ‘Daisy is dead. Nothing could be worse. I’m sorry that you lied about having a licence, and I’m sorry that you’re going to get in trouble, but this is your fault.’
‘Is it? You both knew that your little sister was at the party tonight when she should have been safe at home. Your parents will find out that neither of you looked after her, or tried to take her back to Seaglass. You let her drink alcohol, then left her alone on the beach, despite her being underage and having a heart condition. You bullied her and made her run away. Your family will hate you just as much as they will hate me, for the rest of your lives.’
I wanted to tell them that I was fine. That they didn’t need to worry. But I still couldn’t move.
‘He’s right,’ said Lily. ‘They will hate us.’
‘Have you both lost your minds?’ said Rose. ‘What are you suggesting? That we leave her here on the street like roadkill?’
‘No,’ Conor said, and I felt such an overwhelming sense of relief until he spoke again. ‘I’m suggesting we throw her over the cliff.’
Even if I could have spoken at that point, I don’t think I would have been able to.
‘Think about it,’ he said gently. ‘I know how upsetting this is, but Daisy really didn’t have much longer to live anyway. We all know that. Every doctor she ever saw said her broken heart wouldn’t last forever. She was a good person. She wouldn’t want you, or me, or Lily to have this hanging over us, like a noose around our necks for the rest of our lives. Her life is over whatever we do, but ours don’t have to be. It will look like an accident. All we have to do is go home and keep quiet. Say that she wandered off and left the beach without us realizing.’
I could hear my sisters crying. Both of them. I imagined myself sitting up and us all hugging, with our arms wrapped around each other. I knew they would never be mean to me again, not after this. I thought maybe we would become the best of friends, and that one day we might even laugh about the night Conor accidentally hit me with his dad’s car.
But that isn’t what happened.
‘Come on, before another car comes along and sees us. I’ll take her feet,’ Conor said, picking me up by my ankles.
‘No! What are you doing?’ Rose screamed at him.
I didn’t think my sisters would let it happen, but then Lily held my hands in hers. I could smell her favourite perfume: Poison.
‘I think he’s right,’ Lily said. ‘We’re all going to be in so much trouble otherwise.’
‘We can’t do this. Stop it, put her down,’ Rose argued, and I could hear a scuffle.
‘She’s already dead. What difference does it make?’ Lily replied.
Until that moment, I never really believed that they were going to throw me off the cliff, onto the rocks and into the black waves below. I wanted to kick and scream and bite them to make them let go, but I couldn’t. And they didn’t.
‘Are you sure you want to do this? She’s your sister,’ I heard Rose say.
‘I don’t know,’ said Lily, starting to cry again.
‘We don’t have a choice,’ said Conor.
It was a lie. Life is only ever a series of choices; we all have them and make them and regret them every single day. The ability to choose between right and wrong is a fundamental part of being human. But Conor’s humanity got lost that night, and I fear he never found it again.
‘On three,’ he said, and Rose sobbed. I could feel Lily’s hands trembling as she held onto mine. The waves crashing on the rocks below sounded like thunder in my ears. Conor started to count, and they swung me back and forth as though I were the old skipping rope we used to play with on the beach.