‘My dad is really upset about your dad,’ Conor said.
‘We’re all upset. The doctor Nancy spoke to today said it was serious. Apparently, Dad’s car is a write-off and he’s lucky to be alive.’
‘My dad isn’t upset about your dad being in hospital. He’s upset that Nancy rushed to be by his bedside. They’re divorced. They basically defected from each other years ago. She’s supposed to be with my dad now.’
‘I don’t think it works like that,’ Rose said. ‘When you love someone, you can’t just turn it off, there isn’t a switch. Even if you hate someone that you once loved, there is still a little bit of love there. Love is like the soil that hate needs in order to grow. I think it’s rare in relationships to have one without the other.’
Sixteen-year-old Rose was ridiculously mature, but I think she might have been born that way. She and Conor were in a relationship of their own. It was almost as though she wanted him to know that she would always love him, even if she hated him one day. Just like our parents. Lily and I watched as Rose held Conor’s hand. I could tell it made Lily feel uncomfortable too.
When Nancy returned two days later, our dad was with her. He needed to rest, and Seaglass was where he wanted to do it. His head was bandaged and he had a broken arm. He could have gone to his London home – a flat in Notting Hill – just like my mother could have gone to hers, but she chose to look after him and he chose to let her. My sisters and I were delighted to have him with us for so long. Rose and Lily even put their feud to one side.
They decided to cook together one night – a meal for the whole family – and chose to use one of Nana’s recipes for spaghetti bolognaise. I wasn’t allowed to help them at all, for reasons I didn’t understand, but I watched from the doorway. When Lily shouted at me for the tenth time to go away, I sulked in the garden. Rose did almost all of the cooking: chopping onions, carrots, garlic and chilli, adding all the herbs to the meat, tomatoes and stock. She grated cheese and – because this was one of Nana’s recipes – had a bowl of hundreds and thousands ready to sprinkle on top. All Lily did was open a packet of dried spaghetti and pour some boiling water over it in a saucepan.
We sat down in our individually painted chairs when dinner was served, but I didn’t take a bite. Instead I just waited. My mother put a fork full of spaghetti into her mouth and spat it out seconds later. My father swallowed his, but then drank an entire glass of water. Nobody took more than one bite. I’d helped with the meal after all, adding a full jar of hot chilli powder and a bottle of hot chilli sauce to the spaghetti. Lily blamed Rose, and Rose blamed Lily. I think only Nana guessed that it was me.
Apart from the occasional sibling-shaped squabble, we were happier than we had ever been before. But not everyone was pleased to see the Darker family reunited. It was the beginning of the end for Nancy and Mr Kennedy. He was furious about the new living arrangements and didn’t hide it well. He stayed away from Seaglass the entire time that my dad was there. Days turned into weeks, and weeks stretched into months. Nancy’s garden was neglected, the flowers faded, wilted and died. But she barely noticed.
During that time while my dad recovered, we were like a real family again. We spent time together playing board games （Cluedo was a firm favourite）， went for walks along the coast, and watched old movies. Dad – unable to play his beloved piano – completed lots of jigsaw puzzles with just the one hand. And Nana cooked a lot of her ‘special chicken soup’。 It was what she made whenever one of us was ill. The secret ingredient was mashed banana, and the soup was always served with home-made crusty bread slathered in Nutella.
We were a real happy family for a while, and I thought we might stay that way forever. Christmas in 1987 was very much a Darker family affair, and everyone was a little more grateful for what we all had. Not that the sentiment lasted . . . gratitude tends to go off quicker than milk in our house.
Thirty-three
31 October 3:30 a.m.
less than three hours until low tide
‘We need to get Nancy inside,’ says Conor. ‘We can’t leave her out here in the rain.’
I realize I have drifted back in time again. Life feels a bit like a movie at the moment. Maybe when the present is too painful, it’s only natural to disappear inside flashbacks of happier times. It reminds me of something Nana used to say: if you spend your present focusing on your past, you will never change your future.
‘Why is someone doing this to us?’ Lily asks again, and Rose is the only one to answer.