What would we have said?
“That’s why things felt so weird last summer. Between the two of you. She was afraid you were gonna find out. About her and me. That you’d see it. Because she never could hide things from you.”
It makes sense now. That gulf between Elora and me last summer. Her sneaking around. Keeping me at arm’s length. That change in our dynamic. A shift I could feel but couldn’t put a name to. Why didn’t I dig deeper? Try to find out what was really going on?
“I would have done anything for her!” I shout. “And for you! You could’ve told me!” But even as the words come out of my mouth, I wonder if I mean them.
Hart shakes his head. “We couldn’t tell anybody! But at least we could have that one perfect thing. That secret. Together. Just for ourselves.” He pounds his fists against my bedroom floor. “And, fuck, that was something! That was enough to make all the other shit bearable.”
“Why, then?” I pull myself up, because I have to know. “Why did you kill her? If you loved her so much?”
Hart recoils like I’d laid into him with a baseball bat. “I’m tellin’ you I didn’t kill her, Grey!” He’s still on his hands and knees in the middle of my floor. “We met up that night on the dock. While everybody else was out searchin’ for ’er. That was the plan all along. To finally get the hell out of La Cachette. We’d decided months before that. Because what you said to her at the end of last summer, about how she’d never get out of here, that scared her. Bad. How you said she was gonna die here.”
It’s almost more than my heart can take, hearing my own awful words out loud again. How could I have said those things to her?
To Elora?
“So we were finally gonna go. And Elora had been so messed up after you left. After she had to let you go. Like that. But when I finally said we could leave, she was so happy.” Hart’s voice cracks. “She was so fucking happy, Grey.” I remember what Zale said. About how she didn’t need the river any more, and I wonder if that’s why. Because she finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel. “That’s why she sneaked off. We were supposed to be runnin’ away that night. Together.”
“Then what the hell happened?” I demand. “How did she end up dead?”
“I backed out. Couldn’t do it. Couldn’t leave. I was too chickenshit. And Elora called me on it.” He looks up at me. “Just like you did.”
“You didn’t have to kill her, Hart!”
“I didn’t! Just fuckin’ listen to me! Jesus!” He’s shaking all over. “We fought about it. And it was bad. Really, really bad. I just lost it. I yelled at her. Threatened her. Probably scared her half to death. I was so worked up. You know?”
I hear the creaking and groaning of the roof again. Like the wood can’t stand to listen to this any more than I can.
“Mostly, I was just pissed at myself for being such a fucking piece-of-shit coward. I didn’t have the balls to leave, but I knew she was gonna go either way. Sooner or later. And I couldn’t stand the thought of being here without her, either. What would be left for me here? Without Elora.”
“What’s left for any of us here without Elora?” I choke on my own fury. “You took her away from all of us! Just so you wouldn’t have to let her go!”
“No! Grey! Please!” Hart sits back on his heels to look up at me. “Listen. She was so freaked out. And she stumbled, tryin’ to get away from me. Got ’er feet all tangled up and went down. So I grabbed her by the arm and yanked her up. I didn’t mean to hurt ’er. But, God, I was half out of my mind. Angry. And afraid. Just outta control. And the way she was lookin’ at me – So I grabbed ’er. That’s all. But the look in her eyes when I did it –”
I wince, remembering Wrynn’s terrified whisper.
I saw dat rougarou snatch her by da arm and open up wide, like he was gonna eat Elora right up. All dem sharp teeth showin’。 “And that’s when I left!” he goes on. “I knew I had to! I walked away. Left her there. Standin’ on the dock. And she was sure as shit alive. Pissed as hell. Yeah. But not even hurt.
I swear it!”
I have no idea what to believe any more.
I can’t tell truth from lies.
But why tell lies at the end of the world?
“I went home. And I tried to figure out what to do. I paced around. Calmed down some. And it wasn’t fifteen minutes later when I went back.” He’s wailing now. “I was gonna tell her I was sorry! More than sorry! That I’d go. That we’d make it work. That I loved her. And I didn’t give two shits about anything besides that!” The next part comes out all chewed up and mangled. “That I didn’t wanna stay here and become my fucking father!”