It took a few moments while she struggled to keep her emotions under control before she lifted her furious gaze to his. As it was, she knew her voice held both grief and recrimination. There was no way to prevent it.
“Perhaps I didn’t want to discuss my mother’s murder with men who have absolutely no empathy toward me or her. I can assure you, Carpathian, this lifemate bond you thought was so important between us is pure bullshit. Everything you said has no meaning whatsoever. I reject every single word of it. Shall we get on with this?” She said the last through clenched teeth.
There was a long silence. Very long. She realized that all of them were staring at her in a kind of shocked way, if one could be shocked without expression. She didn’t care if her declaration of their precious lifemate ritual offended them. It was how she felt. Sandu might look like he was the hottest catch in town, and she’d been conditioned to believe he was her perfect match, her prince coming to claim her, but he wasn’t. That didn’t negate the fact that she had a job to do.
I hurt you. I am sorry.
Adalasia didn’t want to hear the sincerity in his voice or feel it in his mind. She pulled at the messy knot in her hair and continued doggedly on. “I read the cards over and over, and from what I’ve discerned, it seems this journey we’re undertaking starts with Sandu and what he can tell us of his childhood. Now that he’s confirmed the blood tied to the cards is from his family, we can get some answers. Obviously, I wasn’t alive that long ago. What I do know is unreliable.”
Sandu raised an eyebrow. “If you think I can help with that, I have no recollection of my childhood. Not a single memory. I couldn’t tell you what my parents looked like or where we actually resided. I would imagine it would have been in the Carpathian Mountains, if that helps.”
The dripping of the water seemed louder than ever. Adalasia sank back in her chair, one hand going to her hair again. She’d put it in a messy knot on top of her head and called it good. Sandu hadn’t thought to provide her with a mirror. He’d remembered a bathroom—of sorts. The bare minimum. A toilet and sink. Towels. A shower. No mirror. She was certain she looked pretty bad when all of them were seriously good-looking, although she no longer cared about how incredible Sandu looked or the magical things he could do.
“That’s just not possible. Everyone remembers their parents. Their childhood. You can’t have lost all of your memories.” He was the beginning of their journey. He had to remember or they had no starting point. So far, he was pretty useless.
She leaned toward him as if she could see into his mind by looking into his eyes. He still hadn’t quite forgiven her for having the blood of his family on her cards. She should have told him before he was with his friends. He almost viewed it as a betrayal. Maybe it was. She still wasn’t over him binding them together without discussing it with her first. She wanted in on all decisions, particularly the ones that would change her life forever. She really was upset with him for so callously bringing up the murder of her mother in front of his friends. She wasn’t over his betrayals.
They really knew nothing about each other. He could be so emotionless and she was all about feeling. That didn’t bode well for their future. She had the beginnings of a headache. Still, she looked down at the cards she’d laid out and heaved a sigh.
Three times in a row. There it was. The High Priestess. That should tell her something right there. This man, Sandu, the one that was supposed to be her man, thought he protected and guarded her. The High Priestess card depicted a nighttime scene. Sandu was all about the night. At its most basic, the card meant that she protected and guarded even if she feared what she was getting into. This was an opportunity for self-growth.
Sandu shrugged. “I have lived centuries without emotion or color and no hope of finding you. My memories faded fast, and it is possible I allowed it. Should a vampire manage to overcome my strength in those first few centuries, perhaps I didn’t want my family to suffer.”
Centuries without feelings, without experiencing emotion, Adalasia, he reminded softly. I was alone most of that time. Completely alone, until I was in that monastery with these men who were like me, too far gone to be let loose on the outside world.
Adalasia knew it would be a mistake to look at him. To really see him. You’re a stranger. A complete stranger. I know nothing of you. You don’t know me at all. I took you at face value, and I’m not willing to do that again. There aren’t excuses to just take from people. I might have given you willingly had you asked or talked with me. Had you bothered to take the time to get to know me and treat me like I was someone special, but you didn’t.