“They bring along so much drama!” Kareena’s brain played back a kaleidoscope of memories. There was Mona Aunty, who dressed up like she was going to a movie premiere every day. She always had gold rings on her fingers and a perfect blowout. Then there was Sonali Aunty who was the most religious of the group. She often used her beliefs as an excuse to say the most ridiculous things. Falguni Aunty was constantly feeding everyone. She’d show up in kurta tops and Crocs and say that everything was going to be okay. And last there was Farah Aunty, the retired software engineer from IBM who knew a little too much about internet stalking.
Together they were dangerous. Kareena remembered the time Farah Aunty burst into her school to verbally destroy her English teacher who refused to pronounce her name correctly. And when Mona Aunty took her to get her first Brazilian and insisted on being within earshot to make sure the waxer was doing a good job. Kareena still had nightmares about Sonali Aunty’s religious studies sessions, and Falguni Aunty’s cooking classes.
“Your aunties will be able to sniff out a man with your qualifications within weeks, which gives you time to date and get to know him,” Bobbi said. “And they know how much a love marriage means to you.”
“They’re exhausting.”
“No, they’re progressive,” Veera said. “They’ll help you keep your mom’s house. They had memories with your mom, too.”
Their server arrived just in time with chai shots in authentic clay kulhars with heaping bowls of ice cream. He took away some of the empty plates and left as quickly as he came.
Kareena reached for one of the kulhars and tossed it back. She couldn’t even taste the alcohol at this point with all the nervous anxiety rushing through her bloodstream.
There was so much that could go wrong if she involved the aunties. The worst being that she disappointed them. No. That wasn’t it. The worst would be if her person rejected her.
Because then the aunties would kill that person and she’d be bailing them all out of jail.
Kareena pushed her plate out of the way and banged her forehead against the table in front of her. “I want to start slowly. I think I’ll just do the online dating first. Just for a week or two. And then, maybe, I’ll ask them for their help if that doesn’t work.”
“You need a monetary gift,” Veera said. “There is literally no other way you can get this house in such a short time frame. As your financial advisor, believe me. I know. But is this really how you want to go about getting it?”
“I’m open to other suggestions.” Kareena reached out for another shot.
“The aunties it is,” Bobbi said. “They are better than the NSA. They could get in touch with every eligible bachelor from here to the West Coast. And probably in Canada, too.”
Their words were a painful truth that Kareena hated hearing but knew was correct. “Fine, I’ll think about it.”
A chime interrupted them, and Bobbi reached in her bag to get her phone. She looked at her screen and gasped. “Son of a bitch.”
“What happened?” Kareena asked.
Bobbi grabbed her drink and chugged it before she turned to Kareena. “My cousin is doing a wedding in Parsippany, and she needs me to come out there to help her. Apparently the Bollywood dancers they’d hired to perform at the sangeet are a bunch of strippers who dance to Bollywood. They started taking their clothes off, and the grandfather had a heart attack.”
No wonder Bobbi wasn’t pressed to find a man, Kareena thought. Her life was so full of drama and weddings that she practically lived out the stress between couples every day.
“Okay, let me get the check and we can all go,” Kareena said.
Bobbi was already on her feet, waving at her to stay seated. “I already put my card on file. Just sign for it when you’re done. Have another few drinks on me.”
“How are you going to get out there?” Veera asked. “Train or car?”
“Whatever I can get,” Bobbi replied.
Veera stood. “My car is parked around the corner. I can take you. I’m still completely sober. Kareena, are you up for a drive?”
“I can’t,” Kareena said. “I’m in the opposite direction. You two go. I’ll be fine on my own.”
Veera leaned down and hugged her. “Come back to Jersey City tomorrow then. We’ll watch movies and get really drunk on boxed wine.”
Kareena hugged her back. “I’ll let you know. I want to put in shelves in the laundry room tomorrow and I still have to work on the car.”