His jaw clenched. “But we do have something to say. Or I do anyways.”
I glared as he refused to budge, blocking my path into the safety of my home. Beyond his shoulder I saw a neighbor heading my way, her yippy dog zigzagging on the leash. “Fine. Come inside. I don’t need the whole neighborhood knowing my business.”
He moved out of my way, and we both went inside my apartment. Ed Earl made it feel two sizes too small. I didn’t ask him to sit down because I didn’t want the memory of him on my sofa.
“You wanna Coke or something?” I asked, only because I noted that Cricket was quick to offer refreshments and write thank-you notes for everyone. She was also big on “hostess gifts,” telling customers, “Wouldn’t this make the most precious little happy?” I had honestly never thought about taking a “happy” to a friend’s house. Booze? Yeah. But a scented candle? Eh.
“Nah, I’m good.” He stood with his hands in his pockets, looking around. “This is a real nice place, Roo.”
“Please don’t call me that. It’s Ruby.”
“Yeah, okay, Ruby.” He stared at my curtains while I set the yellow carnations on the counter next to the overblown roses Ty had sent me. A dozen and a half for no reason at all. The carnations looked defiant against the show-off cousin. But they looked like me. I liked them.
“So?” I turned and set my fists on my hips.
Ed Earl sighed. “You already know I’m sorry about what happened between us. I never would have asked you to take my shit to the shelter if I had known Jerry Jefferies was a damned rat. I never would have involved you.”
“But you did.”
“Yeah, I did. No takin’ that back now. And you did my time. You gave up a lot to do that, and I owe you. Sorry ain’t good enough. I realize that now.” He reached into his back pocket.
My first inclination was to run because Ed Earl always packed, and five years back he’d shot out his brother’s windshield over a stupid poker game. But then I realized Ed Earl wasn’t going to shoot me. He wasn’t drunk or pissed. Not to mention I was still trying to wrap my head around his words. He owed me. Excuses I had expected. But the sincerity of his last remark had thrown up a temporary barrier to my irritation. “What do you mean?”
He withdrew an envelope, walked over, and set it beside the carnations. “There. I don’t know how else to make it right. So maybe this will help. But I want you to know something, little coz.”
I swallow hard, looking at that envelope, then back at my cousin.
“I changed. I know you don’t believe me. But when all that happened, I had no intention of changing my ways.” He chuffed and shook his head, looking disappointed in himself. “Hell, even after you going down for all that, refusing to squeal, being loyal when you had no cause to be, I was unmoved, Roo. For all intents and purposes, you should have served me up to the DA on a platter. But you didn’t. You just took it. And yeah, there was some crap that went down with Martine Perez over turf and everything. They threw a Molotov through Mama’s window. You probably didn’t know ’cause Mama’s just like you—she keeps it close to the vest. I found her that next morning with the family Bible, and she’d cut my name out. Didn’t even bother with a marker. Just cut it out like it was never there, and then she told me that I wasn’t her son no more. That was . . . that was somethin’。 She ain’t never done nothin’ like that before.”
I pressed my hands against the counter because I had never heard Ed Earl issue any regret. He didn’t wound like the rest of the world. Wasn’t in his nature. “I didn’t know.”
“Nah, she wouldn’t have told you. You know her. But I went away after that. Went out west to see your dad.”
“My dad?”
“Yeah, ol’ sonofabitch is out in Wyoming. Left the bikers and is working on a ranch.”
“I haven’t spoken to him in many years.” My father had had a breakdown of sorts. He’d walked away from us all. Not much reason other than he said he couldn’t stay. Maybe he’d had enough of being a Balthazar and wanted to knock about without a name. Once when I was small, he’d told me that he had tramp in him. That he was a rolling stone. Didn’t matter why to me, only that he’d left and I hadn’t been enough to keep him here.
“He’s different. All the anger just seeped out of him. He reads all the time, takes the peyote sometimes, but that’s it. Don’t even drink no more. Being with him just did something to me. Sort of like a movie or something. I could see my life, and it was no good.” Ed Earl kicked the heel of his boot with the toe of his other one, his gaze on my rug. Finally, he looked up at me. “I didn’t know how to change myself, Roo. I knew only one way in life. Bobby said I could just stay out there. Said the guy he worked for was always looking for a strong back. But my boys’re here, you know? And the example I had set for them had to be changed. I owed them that. I had to undo some things before I could find any kind of peace or new life. Sometimes you gotta fix what’s behind you so you can look in front of you. So I came back. I got right with Jesus. I got right with Mama. And I told the Perezes I was out.”