It was rare for us all to spend so much time in each other’s company and I sensed that my parents, always wearied by work, were grateful to sit and watch the changing landscape. Even Mama grew lighter in spirit. She brushed out my hair and sang to Hermine, and once I saw her twitch with suppressed laughter when my brother, boyhood swinging a last blow, squeaked his way through ‘Our God is a Mighty Fortress’。
Weeks passed. We entered the Spree and then the Elbe, leaving Prussia. The waters changed. And then one morning we woke and emerged on deck to see masts and rigging rising bare and brutish against the sky like a forest in winter, the bargemen already hauling our trunks onto the docks.
The ships at anchor in Hamburg were enormous. Black and looming against the grey morning, sailors and wharfmen crawling like ants all over them, bale hooks in hand. My stomach lurched at the sight of their bulk, at the smell of the harbour, which was salt and smoke and fish and waste. Not many of us had ever been to a city so large and we huddled together and waited for someone to take us somewhere.
The morning turned warm and hazy. We became thirsty. Every now and then someone would begin singing, and heads would turn to watch as all of us joined in, dry-tongued choir as we were.
By noon, those who still had money left to buy fresh food and drink went in search of it, while others decided to stretch their legs and take in the sights of the great city: the buildings three storeys and higher, the bridges and the swarms of people about their business. But Mama was firm. We were all to stay with our trunks, to wait for direction. And so we sat on the docks and I picked at my sunburn and watched the gulls and the oarsmen in their small boats. The water seemed an ugly, greasy thing.
‘Is this salt water? When does it become the sea?’ I asked Papa.
He took off his hat and ran a hand through his hair, eye skirting the wharf, flicking to the Kay elders who were in intense discussion together. There was a man approaching them, clasping a sheaf of papers.
‘Papa?’
He suddenly marched towards the churchmen. They admitted him into their circle, dark coats and hats clustered together like a thundercloud, nodding at the stranger, fingers pointing.
‘Mama,’ Matthias said quietly, ‘what if they do not have the passports? What if they don’t have a ship to take us?’
‘Stop it, Matthias.’ Mama buried her face in Hermine’s fat neck.
‘Excuse me, Frau?’ A red-faced man stood nearby with concern on his face. ‘Do you require assistance?’
Mama looked up at him, frowning. ‘Are you the agent?’
‘Which agent?’
‘The shipping agent.’
‘Off somewhere?’
Hans, noticing the man speaking to my mother, approached us with his shoulders back, chin raised. ‘We are to sail to the colony of South Australia. We are waiting for an agent.’ He hesitated. ‘And a ship.’
The man took out a handkerchief and rubbed his forehead. ‘You are all together then, are you?’ he asked, flapping the cloth at us and the other families stranded upon the docks. Some of them had begun to sing again, much to the amusement of the sailors. One of them was waving his arms about from the rigging of a large ship, pretending to conduct.
Understanding dawned on the man’s face. ‘Ah, you’re the mystics.’
Mama stiffened. ‘We are no mystics.’
‘I saw the first group come up on barges. They left a few days ago. All of them singing like you. Dressed like you. Abandoning your country, then?’
‘Our country has abandoned us. We are Lutherans.’
‘Ah, but there is no Lutheran Church. There is the Union Church –’
‘That is heresy,’ ventured Mama.
The man smiled and tucked his handkerchief back into his pocket. ‘Well, good day to you. And good riddance. Bigots.’
We watched him continue up the wharf, shaking his head.
Mama stared after the man, jaw tense. She turned and looked up at Papa, who had returned, flipping his hat in his hands.
‘Good news! The ship is anchored in Altona. It will soon be ready for us.’ He sighed happily.
‘But we are in Hamburg.’
‘Ja.’
‘Not Altona.’
Papa shrugged. Pulled at his beard. ‘It is not far. The barges will remain here and we can sleep on them until the ship –’
I did not wait to hear his news. There, amongst the movement of people upon the docks, was Thea. She was walking towards me, luminous amidst the drab browns of waiting barrels and dry goods, the dark clothing of everyone else I did not care about. I forgot myself. I pushed past Hans and ran, face torn wide by a smile I could not suppress. My heart was leaping out of my body, was beating so hard I knew she could feel it as she wrapped her arms about me, pulled me into her chest, hard, violently, before releasing me just as quickly, as though I had scalded her, as though I was flame.