“Won’t they be able to tell how long he’s been dead for?” Fourth Aunt says. “In CSI, they can tell, you know.”
“Well, technically, he’s only been dead for—I don’t know, less than ten hours? Because of the whole, you know, him not being dead when we put him in the cooler . . .” My voice trails off because honestly, when I put it that way, the full horror of the situation is rather staggering. The poor guy. He was a shit, but he didn’t deserve to die like that.
“Oh! Yes, yes, good point, Meddy. Yes, it is like one of those fish in restaurant, you know, they alive in tank and then they kill right before eating . . .” Ma’s voice trails off as she notices our blank stares. “Never mind, it is not like that at all,” she says.
I love her for trying, though. “Anyway, I’m pretty sure that being in the water for a while is going to mess up the forensics investigation, especially since the weather’s been so hot lately. Yay, global warming,” I cheer weakly. Bad for the environment, good for killers.
“This not bad idea,” Big Aunt says. “Is not good idea, but we trapped here, cannot get off island without calling attention, so no choice. Okay, Meddy, good job, we go with your idea.”
I have to bite back my proud smile. It’s next to impossible to get approval from Big Aunt, and for a fleeting moment, I get the urge to crow about it to Selena. Then I realize I can never crow about it to anyone. It’s not like I can WhatsApp Selena and go, “Big Aunt approves of my corpse disposal idea!!!”
I can’t believe I’m sitting here mentally bragging about this moment. I must be dehydrated. “We should probably get rid of the cooler in the meantime. Maybe like, set up a red herring, you know?”
“What red hearing?” Big Aunt says.
“Red herring. It means a decoy, something to mislead people. So, for example, I’m thinking we fill the cooler with actual food, so if anyone was suspicious about it—which I think the entire lobby full of people were—then we can always be like, ‘Nope, there’s just food in here, see?’”
Big Aunt nods. “Okay, yes, good idea, this red hearing. I will go kitchen and bring back leftover ingredients.”
“Let’s take his body out first, and then I have to go to the bridal suite to take photos.”
We all stand up, the mood in the room turning somber, and gather round the cooler.
“Open it,” Fourth Aunt says.
“Why I open? You open!” Ma says.
“I’ll do it,” I say. It has to be me. It’s my mess. The least I can do is open the damn thing. I inch toward it, and when I reach out with my right hand, I swear the skin on my hand crawls up my arm. Oh god, here it goes . . .
I flip it open and scamper back, shuddering.
My mom and aunts crane their heads forward.
“How bad is it?” I ask, from behind them. “Is he—ugh, is he oozing?”
“Huh,” Fourth Aunt says.
“Hmm,” Big Aunt says.
“My lily flowers,” Ma sighs.
This is impossible. I push past them and look. And huh. I mean, as far as corpses go, it could be worse. The first thing I notice about him is how pale he is. Which should be expected, and in theory I knew he’d hardly be rosy-cheeked, but seeing it in person is still a bit of a shock.
“Okay. Let’s do this,” I chirp. No one moves.
Big Aunt orders, “San Mei, you take left arm, Si Mei, you take right one, Meddy, you take left leg. I take right leg.” We all nod. Thank god for Big Aunt. Still none of us moves, not even Big Aunt. Nobody wants to touch a corpse. Big Aunt claps hard and barks, “Cepat!” And we all snap forward. This is it. I don’t let myself think twice before grabbing one of the legs, right below the knee.
Oh god, oh god, I’m touching it. Argh. Whatever I thought about corpses and how they felt, touching an actual one is a million times worse. Rigor mortis must be setting in, because he’s super-stiff. It feels as though he’s flexing all of his muscles. Which is just so wrong, thinking of him flexing anything at all.
“Okay, now lift,” Big Aunt says, and as one, we do so.
And Ah Guan burps. We all shriek and drop him and clamber over one another to get away from him. We crowd around the other end of the room, gasping and staring at the open cooler.
“Is he alive?” Fourth Aunt cries.
“Ah Guan, ah, is me, Auntie Natasya. Hello, Ah Guan? You awake or not?” Ma says, smiling manically, as though he could see her from here.