Meddy [12:22PM]: I don’t know what that means.
Ma [12:23PM]: Aiya, how can not figure out? So obvious.
Big Aunt [12:24PM]: [Another string of emojis]
Meddy [12:25PM]: Everything is okay, right??
Second Aunt [12:26PM]: [String of emojis]
I give up. Whoever said “It’s as hard as herding cats” has obviously never tried to herd a group of Asian aunties. I’ll just have to trust that since they haven’t used the police car or police station or whatever other dire emoji, things are okay. Or at least they’re not catastrophic.
Just as I shove my phone back into my pocket, there’s a commotion outside the door. I perk up. Finally! The groom and his posse are here. I hold up my camera—I’m using the 35mm now, which gives me a wider angle so I can make sure to capture everyone—and snap the moments as the bridesmaids, who have been gathered at the suite door, call out, “Who’s there?”
“The groom!” comes the answer, and the bridesmaids giggle.
They open the double doors and a cheer goes up, albeit a weak and straggled one as the groom and his friends are obviously suffering from a bitching hangover.
“You’re late!” Maureen shouts.
Tom Cruise Sutopo—I really need to stop referring to him mentally by his full name every time, but then again, I can’t stop thinking of him as a knock-off Tom Cruise—and the groomsmen in the front wince at her shout. Tom smiles weakly and says, “Let us in?”
“Only if you do a few things for us!” At this, all of the bridesmaids cheer, and the groomsmen groan theatrically.
I’m smiling as I take pictures of them all. I love the acara penjemputan. I’ve seen bridesmaids come up with the most creative trials for groomsmen to do: having them shave each other’s chest hair, getting them to wear diapers over their pants, asking them the randomest questions about the bride and making them eat raw chilies when they get a question wrong.
Now, a Victoria’s Secret box is passed from bridesmaid to bridesmaid until it reaches the maid of honor. “Don’t come back until you’ve put these on,” she laughs, passing it to Tom.
The guys all groan loudly again, but they’re also laughing, some covering their faces as they fish out lacy lingerie from the box. Gamely, they put on the lingerie over their suits, and that’s when everyone realizes there’s a set of lingerie left in the box.
“Why’s there a set left?” Maureen says, holding up the lace underwear. “All of y’alls need to wear these! Come on out, stop hiding! Who’s missing?”
The groomsmen glance around, looking confused and . . . guilty. Huh. Why would they look guilty?
“Uh, Ryan isn’t here,” Tom says, finally.
“Why not?”
“He um—” He lowers his voice, leaning in a little, and says, “Please don’t tell Jac, but he can’t find his clothes.”
“What?” Maureen cries. “For fuck’s sake, Tom. Come ON. You guys had ONE job. One! Just show up. And you can’t even—” She stops herself, takes a deep breath, and forces a smile. “Okay, whatever. Moving on. Time for the next trial.” She nods to one of the bridesmaids, who taps something on her phone. Music blasts out. Kelis’s “Milkshake.” “Shake it, boys!” she shouts, and then hurries back inside the room, whispering something to a bridesmaid as she goes. The bridesmaid nods and takes her place at the front.
Maureen hurries through the living room and into the bedroom, where Jacqueline is waiting. Moments later, even through the din of the music, I hear Jacqueline go, “Seriously?”
I can’t help but sigh. Honestly, can these groomsmen be more of a mess? I walk over to the bedroom and knock softly. Jacqueline looks up and says, “Oh god, Meddy, we’re down a groomsman!”
“Yeah, I heard. Look, I know it seems like a huge deal, but it really isn’t. You’ve got enough bridesmaids and groomsmen for people not to notice a missing one, and I promise the pictures will turn out just as good.”
“But what about when they’re walking down the aisle after the ceremony? I can’t send Becca down the aisle on her own; that’s just too sad.”
I think fast. “She can walk down with another pair. Have the groomsman stand in between two bridesmaids as they go down the aisle.”
Jacqueline and Maureen look at each other, mulling over what I said, then Maureen shrugs. “She’s right. That’s the best option.”
Jacqueline sighs. “Okay. Could you?”