“Oh, Nathan.” I can’t stand looking at the sadness he’s trying so hard to hide from me. I know what it looks like when he’s trying to hide something so I won’t worry.
“It’ll be fine,” he says, his voice gruff.
But it won’t.
As though reading my mind, Nathan pulls me right up against him so I feel the intoxicating heat of his body. “Please let me do this for you,” he says in a low voice that makes my legs wobble.
“But—”
“If you come forward and admit you did it, I’ll do the same. I’ll insist that I did it, and then I’ll definitely, 100 percent lose all of this.” He’s absolutely serious. He’d really choose to lose everything to stop me from turning myself in.
“Nathan.” His name comes out in a choked sob, and I kiss him again. I never want to feel his lips leaving mine.
A chair outside creaks loudly and we break apart, right before Sheriff McConnell opens the door. He narrows his eyes at us. What a sight we must make—both of us out of breath, my hair all rumpled, our cheeks flushed, sitting away from each other in the most awkward position. We must look like guilty, horny teenagers. Sheriff McConnell frowns. Surely he must realize I’m no lawyer—
“God, I hate lawyers,” he rumbles.
Huh. Maybe he hasn’t put two and two together. “Yeah, you and everyone else,” I say, standing up and brushing myself off as calmly as I can. “I’m just about done here. Thank you, Sheriff. I’ll be . . .” I glance back at Nathan, who raises his eyebrows. “I’ll be back after consulting with my firm.”
“Take your time,” Sheriff McConnell says, lowering himself onto Nathan’s plush leather chair with obvious relish. He leans back, puts his feet up on the mahogany table, and rests his hands on his stomach.
I try to send silent messages to Nathan as I walk out. I’ll be back. I won’t leave you here like this. I’ll set you free. I’ll clear your name. I don’t know if he got any of that.
As soon as I’m in the privacy of the elevator, I sag against the wall and bury my face in my hands. What a mess. What am I to do? I should just gather all the evidence I have against me that’ll clear Nathan and present them to the sheriff. I’ll turn myself in. I—
But that’ll implicate Ma and my aunties. In the eyes of the law, my family is very, very guilty. And to add to the towering pile of calamities, Ah Guan wasn’t dead when we stuffed him in the cooler. He died suffocating inside it. Which means I wasn’t the only one who killed him. My entire family did.
Maybe I can spin it so that I’m the only guilty one. Maybe I can make it out so that I tricked my whole family, stole into Big Aunt’s kitchen, and stowed the body in her cooler without anyone’s knowledge. Yeah, that could work. Excitement and dread stir inside me. I might be able to make this work. I’d go to prison for a very long time. But it’s no less than what I deserve. At the very least, this will, for the first time in my life, be a decision I’m making all on my own. Not a decision I’m making because I’m caving to Ma’s wishes or to familial duty or anything. I guess I can at least feel good about that.
At the lobby, they’ve shut the giant wooden windows to protect the place from the storm. It completely transforms the place, turning it from a tropical paradise into a shuttered castle with fierce winds and rain raging against it. The mood is somber. I don’t know how much the staff know about Nathan’s arrest, but it’s obvious that they’re all aware that something is wrong. Though they smile politely at me as I walk by, their expressions are strained and tight with fear. I walk quickly down the hallway that leads to the rooms. First, I’ll go back to my room and change out of these wet clothes. Then I’ll ask Ma to come with me to Big Aunt’s, where I’ll tell everybody my plan to shoulder all of the blame. I take a big breath. It isn’t going to be easy convincing them. Ma will for sure 100 percent cry. Big Aunt will get mad and insist that I listen to my elders and let them handle the problem. Second Aunt will probably launch into some weird Tai Chi pose, and Fourth Aunt will flap her feathery nails and tell me to stop being so melodramatic. But I’m resolute. No one can stop me from doing the right thing.
At my room, I take out Nathan’s master key card and wave it against the door lock. It unlocks with a snick, and I push the door open, saying, “Ma, can I have some tea—”
The rest of what I’m about to say dies in my mouth. I stand there, frozen, as the door swings shut behind me with a final click. All of my plans, all of the courage I’ve built up in the past few minutes, everything leaks out of me, leaving me empty.