John turned to her younger sisters. “Honey is better. Do you have any?”
“Down in the root cellar,” Alice said, speaking to the twins. “Could one of you please go down and get a jar of honey?”
“I’ll do it!”
“No, I’ll do it!”
Both girls ran out of the room, determined to beat the other one down the stairs to the cellar.
Alice took the opportunity to speak to John alone. She whispered, “You mustn’t talk like that in front of the girls. They are such chatterboxes that my father is sure to hear of it. And if Pearl finds out, she would certainly make trouble for us.”
He dampened a dish towel and pressed it against her fingers. “I’m not afraid of Pearl. I would love to tell the whole world how I feel about you, Alice Louise Bennett. What are your worries? Your father likes me, and my time here is coming to a close. There is not much he could do to me at this point.”
“You have mistaken his kindness for weakness,” she said. “Something you don’t want to do. My father is very protective of all his daughters. If he thinks there are improprieties between us, he would send you packing tonight.” Her large eyes implored him. “Please promise you won’t do anything more to put us at risk. We have so little time together.”
“I promise,” he said. “I’m sorry for upsetting you. And I apologize for speaking out of turn. It won’t happen again.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
1916
My dearest Alice,
I want to apologize again, this time in writing, for having misspoken in front of your sisters. You are right, of course, in saying that I went too far and that my boldness could jeopardize our time together. If your father found out and took issue with the two of us, I would never forgive myself for putting you in the position of having to defend our deceptive ways.
I can tell you only that my emotion got the better of me. You are my heart, Alice, and I would love for everyone to know that you are mine. I hate that we are doing this behind your father’s back. I understand why you want it this way, but I would like something more for the both of us.
For that reason, I feel the need to tell the truth about me and my life before I met you. I told you that my father is in prison, and the reason he was convicted, but I did not tell you the full story behind the crime. My mother once cautioned me against sharing what I am about to tell you, in the hopes of sparing me the pain she and my father faced. I did, in fact, promise her that I would never tell anyone, a promise I am breaking in order to be honest with you. I am not exaggerating when I say that the thought of breaking a promise to my mother has been a moral dilemma for me, but after giving it much thought, I am pressing forward.
I fear your reaction to this news, even as I don’t want there to be any secrets between us.
The truth of it is that my great-grandfather on my father’s side was a Negro, which means that I have Negro blood as well. This is why my parents were attacked in their own home, which led to my father shooting and killing a man.
My heart is pounding as I’m writing this, fearing your reaction. I will be in agony awaiting your reply. I wonder, can you ever forgive me for keeping this from you? Could you love a man whose family is such as mine? I hope that you do not feel that I deliberately led you astray in presenting myself as someone I am not.
I would not cast off my family heritage even if I could. It’s part of who I am. I will understand if this changes things between us. I am praying it does not.
I hold you in high regard and am hoping you will answer this letter and tell me what you think.
Yours truly,
John
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
1916
The next day, Mr. Bennett was eager to get to work early, so John didn’t get a chance to speak to Alice alone. When he returned from the mill that evening, he checked the tree hollow and found that his letter was no longer where he’d left it. She’d retrieved it and by now would know the contents. He hoped to read something in her eyes at dinnertime, some small clue of her reaction, but she wasn’t home.
“Where’s Alice?” He tried to act nonchalant as he looked around the kitchen, but still his heart sped up as he wondered if his letter was the cause of her absence.
“She took food over to the Clarks’ house,” Maude said, making a face. “Edna sent for her. Her mother is feeling poorly, and Alice is going to stay all evening to help, so we have to eat cold chicken and leftover biscuits for dinner.”
John felt his heart sink. She’d never been absent in the evening before. Could she have made up an excuse to go to the Clarks’ in order not to face him? He didn’t think she would do such a thing, even though his news must have been horrifying to her. Maybe she wouldn’t be able to look him in the eye ever again.