Or maybe I’m simply looking for a good reason to escape.
I don’t stop to worry about my mother. She can handle Aphrodite. She’s been doing it for years. “Excuse me,” I murmur. “I have to use the ladies’ room.” No one pays me any attention, which is frankly just perfect.
I’m already moving, slipping through the crowd of tuxes and luxurious gowns in a rainbow of colors. Diamonds and priceless jewels glitter beneath the lights scattered throughout the room, and I swear I can feel the eyes of the portraits lining the walls follow me as I move. Up until a month ago, there were only eleven—and one frame kept empty for the next Hera—each depicting one of the Thirteen. As if anyone needed the reminder of who rules this city.
Tonight, all thirteen are finally here.
Hades has been added to the mix, his dark painting a direct counterpoint to the lighter tones of the other twelve. He glowers down at the room the same way he glowers at the people here when he actually chooses to be present. I wish he were here tonight, if only because that means Persephone would be here, too. These parties were so much easier to suffer through when she was at my side. Now that she’s gone, ruling the lower city at Hades’s side, being in Dodona Tower is tedious in the extreme.
It will be so much worse if I’m Hera.
I let the thought go. There’s no point in worrying about it until I know the shape of my mother’s plans and how receptive Zeus is to them. In the corner, I catch sight of Hermes, Dionysus, and Helen Kasios gathered around a high table. They look like they’re playing some kind of drinking game. At least they’re enjoying the party. They don’t have anything to lose in this space, moving through the power games and carefully veiled threats as naturally as sharks through water.
I can fake it—I’m rather good at faking it—but it will never be instinct the same way it is with people like that.
Without breaking stride, I push open the door and head out into the quieter hallway. It’s after business hours and we’re at the top of the tower, so it’s deserted. Good. I hurry past the evenly spaced doors with their floor-to-ceiling curtains bracketing each one. They creep me out, especially at night. I never can seem to escape the feeling there’s someone hiding there, just waiting for me to pass. I have to keep my gaze straight ahead, even as a low rustle behind me has my instincts screaming to run. I know better; it’s my own footsteps echoing back, giving me the impression of being chased.
I can’t outrun myself.
I can’t outrun any of the danger waiting for me back in the main ballroom.
I take my time in the bathroom, bracing my hands on the sink and breathing deeply. Cold water would feel good on my face, but I won’t be able to properly fix my makeup and going back with even a hair out of place will have the predators circling. If I become Hera, those voices will get louder, will be inescapable. I’m already not enough for them, or, rather, I’m too much. Too quiet, too fat, too plain.
“Stop it.” Saying the words out loud grounds me, just a little.
Those insults aren’t my beliefs. I’ve worked hard for them not to be. It’s only when I’m here, having my face shoved in what Olympus considers perfection, that the toxic voice from my teenage years rears its ugly head.
Five breaths. Slow inhales. Even slower exhales.
By the time I get to five, I feel a little more like myself. I lift my head but avoid looking at my reflection. The mirrors here don’t tell the truth, even if those lies are only in my head. Best to avoid them entirely. One last breath, and I make myself leave the relative safety of the bathroom and move back into the hall.
Hopefully my mother and Aphrodite will have either finished their spat or taken it to some corner of the ballroom so I can return to the party without getting drawn back into the drama. Hiding in the hallway until it’s time to leave isn’t an option. I refuse to give Aphrodite any indication that her words affected me in the slightest.
It takes two steps to realize I’m not alone.
A man staggers down the hallway toward me, coming from the direction of the elevators. For a brief moment, I consider ignoring him and heading back to the party, but that means he’ll be shadowing my steps. Not to mention there are only two of us out here and there’s no way to pretend I’m doing anything but ignoring him. He doesn’t look too good, either, even in the low light. Maybe he’s drunk, a little pregame party that went too far.
With an internal sigh, I slip my public persona back into place and give him a tiny smile and a wave. “Late arrival?”