I wasn’t sure where he was going. Because I was in his room.
Chapter 21
Saturday
I snuck down to Miller’s room every night after that. Eventually he stopped turning me away. One of the only house rules I knew was that boys weren’t allowed in my room. What would Mr. Pruitt say if he knew I spent every night in Miller’s? Technically it wasn’t breaking the rules. Just the spirit of them. And honestly I didn’t care about Mr. Pruitt’s endless rules. That’s why I’d signed the papers without reading any further. Isabella didn’t follow half the ones I’d read. And I had no intention of following them either. But for some reason, I hadn’t given the signed papers back to Mr. Pruitt. It was almost like if I gave them to him, I’d officially be one of Pruitts. And I didn’t want that at all.
Miller and I both knew he could get in trouble. But I wasn’t sure either of us cared. Sometimes we’d kiss. Mostly we just talked. He was always a complete gentleman. I was pretty sure he viewed my late night knocking as temporary. Even though I viewed it as necessary. I think we were both just lonely in a house that neither of us belonged in.
I opened my eyes and stared at the wall of Miller’s small room. I didn’t want to move. There was nothing more comforting than being wrapped up in someone else’s arms. Miller’s breath was light on the back of my neck, but his arm was heavy around my waist. It was hard to feel alone like that.
But each morning, just like this one, I still woke up feeling lost, if not alone. Nothing made sense anymore. Kennedy was suddenly as scared of the other students at Empire High as I was. We started eating lunch every day in the library instead of the cafeteria, tucked away from prying eyes. But I wasn’t sure anyone was even looking. Cupcake never came close to her, which was good, because I could strangle him for what he’d done to Kennedy. He broke her. And I think not having Kennedy act like Kennedy broke me too.
My phone was still sitting turned off in my drawer. And Matt hadn’t come to school for the rest of the week. I didn’t know if he was okay. I didn’t know if any of his friends were even talking to him. And even though I was mad at him, I was worried too. Because there was one thing I did believe that he’d said. James did seem capable of hurting himself. He’d shown up drunk to school at least twice. His eyes were bloodshot. His tie was always a little askew. He had stubble on his face when he was usually clean shaven. He was a mess. So I watched him whenever I could. Because even though I was still mad at Matt, I didn’t want his fears to become a reality. Besides, if Matt wasn’t at school watching James, who was?
“What are you thinking about?” Miller’s voice was groggy.
“That I should probably get back to my room before anyone else wakes up.”
“You weren’t daydreaming about homecoming tonight?”
I turned to look at him. I’d studied his face a lot over the last several days. But I’d never seen that expression before. He looked wary of me. “No.” What was there to daydream about? I was supposed to go with Matt, but we were no longer an us. I was supposed to go with Felix, but he’d stopped speaking to me. I was looking forward to going with Kennedy, but it wouldn’t be the same. It would be the first homecoming dance I’d ever gone to. I’d been looking forward to it for weeks. I just thought it would be more magical than this.
“Not even a little bit?” asked Miller.
“I wish you could come with me,” I said.
“I’ll be there.”
I propped myself up on an elbow. “What?”
“Mr. Pruitt doesn’t want me to let you out of my sight. I have to be there.”
I wanted to make some joke about how he didn’t even let me out of his sight when I was sleeping. But it didn’t feel right. “Why is he watching me so closely?” It was the one question I couldn’t get a straight answer about.
There was that look again. Maybe he was just wary of the awkward situation. “You know I can’t talk to you until you sign the papers.”
“I signed them.” I bit the inside of my lip. “I just need to give them back to Mr. Pruitt.”
He sighed and sat up, his ab muscles tightening in a delicious way. “We’ll talk about it again after you give them back.” He stared at me, searching my face. “You read all of it then?”
“Yeah,” I lied. I’d had homework to do, Cupcake revenges to plot, texts from Matt to ignore, plans to go over to avoid Isabella whenever possible, and of course my daily fifteen-minute cry session after school. When would I have had time to read that monster of an agreement?