But that doesn’t compare to how distracted I am right now. It’s late and she hasn’t come home yet, not to mention that she’s still not answering her phone.
Just when I’m thinking about going back to the firm to get Christoph’s number from HR, my phone vibrates in my hand.
My hopes crush when I find Knox’s name flashing on the screen.
I answer with a, “What do you want?”
There’s a low humming of music from his end, like he’s outside somewhere loud. “Hello to you, too, Nate.”
“It’s after-hours, in case you haven’t noticed.”
“I have, which is why I’m calling.” Then I hear the rustle of clothes and the shuffling of feet. “Hang on.”
“Mmmm.” It’s a female mumble or a moan beside him, but I can’t tell for sure.
“Don’t tell me you’re screwing someone and calling me in the meantime?”
“I’m more professional than that. I’m just…checking on something…now stay quiet for me, beautiful.”
“I’m still waiting for the reason behind your call, Knox.”
“Oh, right. Aren’t you Gwen’s new guardian or dictator or whatever? I thought you should know she’s drunk enough that she can’t stand up.”
I jerk to my feet so fast that the rolling chair slams against the wall. “She’s with you?”
“Not technically.”
“Knox, tell me that’s not her voice I heard just now or I swear to fuck…”
“It’s not her. Jesus Christ, calm down, Nate. I ran into her when I came into the club.”
That’s where she’s been all along. The fucking club.
I bark at Knox to send me the address, but I can’t keep my cool, because all the anger and tension from today are on the verge of exploding.
And she’ll be the one to bear my wrath.
25
Gwyneth
I’m not drunk.
Yes, I’m swaying and my body feels light and hot, but it’s only because of the music.
And the dancing.
I don’t usually like electro, but the buzzing of energy keeps me on a high. I dragged Christoph and Jane with me and even called Jen and Alex to join us. Jen couldn’t, but Alex is a party guy so he showed up soon after.
They’re all party people, actually. I’m usually the fun-ruiner. The one with a words phobia and a general phobia of the outside world.
But maybe I’m drunk, after all, so it doesn’t really matter.
Alex is a few steps behind me, jumping to the upbeat music. He’s a bit taller than me, but he’s lean and fit because of all the cycling he does. Chris is dancing with me, letting me use his hand to twirl, even though he said we should go home an hour ago.
He repeats it again, shouting over the music, “You’ve had too much to drink, Gwen. I’ll give you a ride.”
“No! I’m not druuunk,” I slur. Okay, maybe I am. But only a little.
“Gwen, come on.” Chris tries to grab hold of my arm, but I pull myself free and plaster my back against Alex’s front.
“You go home. I’m staaaying.” I shake my ass against Alex and he wraps his arms around my waist and we sway to the music together. “Alex is so much fun.”
He’s fun because he’s laid back and loves weed, but he doesn’t care about anyone enough. That’s why I’ve always preferred spending time with Chris. People like Chris who appreciate that I’m a bit crazy, a bit different are rare to find. But that’s the thing, I don’t want to be crazy or different tonight. I want to be like Alex. I want to forget about what I saw and heard today.
From Debra to Nate to Dad. I want to forget that my father was searching for my mother and when he found her, he had a deadly accident.
Because abandoning me wasn’t enough, so she had to take Dad away from me, too.
Moisture gathers in my eyes and I wipe it away with the back of my hand. I’m grateful it’s dark enough in here that no one can see my weakness.
The darkness is soothing sometimes.
Tonight is to forget. That’s why I bought a slutty dress that’s too tight, barely covers my ass and shows half of my back, and then I drank more shots than I can remember.
But it’s like I’m floating in a different place than the dance floor. Yes, I’m in the midst of writhing bodies, upbeat music, and violet lights, but I’m not. I’m roaming inside that emptiness again, letting it fester and rot me to the bones.
Usually, I’m able to fill it, to somehow push it away by repeating the words hollow, empty, and void in my head. Not tonight, though. Tonight, it hurts so much that I’m unable to desensitize anything.