As much as I want to think of him, I force myself to shake those thoughts away. I really shouldn’t be picturing Knox and sex when Papa’s shoulders are crowding with tension. He stands by my desk and watches the monitors as if it’s the first time he’s seen them.
Well, he rarely comes into my room, but he was the one who bought me my setup when I first started getting hooked on coding and computers.
He’s also the one who took it away when I came back by severing the power cables in my room.
“Maybe I shouldn’t have let you go into computer engineering,” he says with no animosity, running his long, meaty fingers across the mouse pad.
Papa might have gotten old, but nothing, absolutely nothing could erase the power that radiates off him. My uncle was more ruthless, louder, and a man not to be messed with. My papa seemed the more approachable one, the strategist of sorts, but everyone knows Papa has the type of power that simmers beneath the surface and only shows when it’s necessary.
It’s not by a stroke of luck that everyone in the Bratva respects him. Men like Adrian, Vlad, Kirill, and even Damien see him as their Pakhan, and those men don’t bend the knee to just anyone.
Even Kyle, Rai’s husband, a merciless hitman who has no allegiance to anyone but himself, considers Papa the leader. Rai’s love and adoration for my father plays a role, but still.
“If you hadn’t, maybe you wouldn’t have left,” he continues.
“I would’ve found a way to protect Babushka after you sent her back to Russia.”
“She’s no good for you. That woman only fills your head with flowery dreams that have no place in our world.”
“Papa, please don’t hurt her—”
“You think I’m heartless enough to hurt a dying woman?”
“I don’t know. You really won’t hurt her?”
“No.”
“T-thank you, Papa.”
“If you really want to thank me, then do as you’re told and forget about the British lawyer.”
My chest deflates. “It’s not up to me. I…can’t. He makes me feel special, like my existence has meaning. He doesn’t see me as your daughter or the Bratva’s sheltered princess, he sees me as me. Just me. And I want that, Papa. I want to get out of yours and the brotherhood’s shadow. I want to be me.”
I gulp in air after my word vomit. I wouldn’t have been able to say those words if he were facing me. Even though I’m grown now, he’s still that god-like man who finished my stepfather’s life in a blink.
Papa slowly turns around and I expect anger, but his expression remains unperturbed.
I wait for him to say something, but the door barges open and I startle. Damien waltzes inside with that black cat swagger of his.
“I’m sorry, Boss.” My father’s senior guard peeks in. “I’ll escort him out.”
Damien tilts his head in the guard’s direction. “First of all, fuck you. Second of all, fuck off before I stab you.”
Papa motions at his senior guard to leave and he snarls at Damien. “Wait in my office with the others, Orlov.”
“I just want to say something and then I’ll be out of your hair.”
“What?” my father asks with a note of impatience.
“As much as I appreciate Nastyusha for being a vodka lover, I can’t marry her.”
My lips part and I stare at Damien with wide eyes. Never in my wildest dreams would I have expected him to back off. Not after he said he wouldn’t get on my father’s bad side for something he considers trivial—marriage.
“Why not?” Papa’s voice hardens.
“Remember that word I gave to Abe about marrying his daughter? I’m keeping it, after all.”
“You were fine with breaking it not too long ago.”
A dark smile lifts Damien’s lips and he looks like a fallen angel. “That was before I knew who my future wife-to-be is.”
“That doesn’t change anything, Orlov.”
“Yes, it does, Pakhan.”
“Are you choosing a Japanese over a Russian?”
“I’m choosing the Japanese for us. Believe me, you’ll like what I do with this whole fucking thing. Besides, Nastyusha loves that lawyer and I’d rather not kill a citizen and have her slice my throat in my sleep.” He grins at me. “You owe me one.”
And with that, he turns around and leaves, humming a tune.
I keep staring at his back, but that only lasts for a second, until Papa’s guard closes the door.