But I can’t.
I feel like if I break eye contact, I’ll be in a worse danger than I am right now.
That he’ll use the change to confiscate a side of me I’ve been hiding from the world.
Even from myself.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about.” He reaches a hand toward my face and I flinch away, but he wasn’t actually going for my face.
His fingers flex around my throat and he digs the pads into the flesh of my neck as his other hand hits the stop button and something else.
But I don’t focus on that.
I can’t.
Not when all my blood rushes to where his hand is on the sides of my throat. It’s not harsh with the intent of stealing my breath, but it’s firm enough to trigger memories of that night.
Memories of him touching me, immobilizing me, and setting me ablaze in a blast of smithereens. And those thoughts are plaguing me right now.
They’re tearing me to pieces.
Setting me on fire.
Ripping through my bones.
And I can’t stop the images or the full-blown heat that invades my nerve endings, specifically the ones he’s touching.
“You don’t know me, so this is my first and final piece of advice to you. Don’t fuck with me. Not only will you be the one fucked over, but I’ll also take pleasure in tearing you apart and feasting on the remains.”
I’m used to living under threat. Being offered an ultimatum and never actually having a choice. But his way of doing it, with cold calm, slashes through the fairies in my stomach. They’ve turned black now, which is a signal to run the fuck away.
But I can’t.
Not with his savage hold on my throat. There’s a control in it, a simmering firmness, and it’s much more ruthless than the dominance I experienced when he fucked me.
This one is laced with a tinge of anger or displeasure. Maybe both.
“Now tell me what your name is. The actual one.”
“J-Jane…” I don’t mean to stutter, but I did and he must hear it, because his hold tightens on my throat.
“I don’t appreciate liars, beautiful. Especially conniving ones.”
“I’m not…a…liar…” He has to believe me. Otherwise, the new beginning I painted for myself will be null and void.
He can’t know who I actually am.
No one can.
“Your blood that I found on the condom would testify otherwise.”
I gasp, wheezing and shaking while he stands there still as a stone, a cold one that could be used as a weapon.
“I thought you weren’t a virgin.”
I press my lips together, unable to utter a word.
“Turns out, you were a virgin, after all, and since you lied about your name just now, it means you’re used to lying. So tell me, what’s your purpose, hmm? What are you after, Anastasia?”
“Jane… It’s Jane…”
“So it is Anastasia. I suspected it before, but now that you’re insisting it’s Jane, I’m sure that isn’t your true name.”
Oh, God.
Just who is he and why is he doing this? Is it just because I lied about my virginity?
But he shouldn’t be this intense, angry, and violent about it.
“What’s with the name change, Anastasia?”
Every time he says my name, a jolt rips through me. It’s fast and sharp and leaves me as breathless as his hold on my throat does.
I tap his arm, choking on my nonexistent inhales, but I don’t fight him. If I do, I’ll be giving myself away.
Besides, it’s not that I need him to release me because he’s hurting me. It’s more because my reaction to his hold is scaring the shit out of me.
It’s scaring me more than the fact that he found me or that he’s endangering my new beginning.
He releases me slowly, and I grab the assaulted spot, breathing harshly, the sound ugly in the silence of the elevator.
I should be focused on that, but all I can do is inhale his cologne, basically sucking it into my lungs. The lime and male musk is too familiar. I recognize it because it’s been on my mind for two weeks
“You didn’t answer my questions, Anastasia.”
“Stop calling me that.” I adjust my glasses, using them as a shield. “It’s Jane. My name is Jane.”
He’s about to grab me by the throat again. I can tell from the darkening of his eyes, and if he does, I’ll find no way out this time.
I won’t be able to escape.
So I use a tactic that’s common in my family. Distraction.
“I have an idea,” I say.