The thought causes my stomach to cramp and my heart to shrink in its ribcage.
If he’s so used to that, why wouldn’t he do it now? After all, our relationship is all about sex.
“So?” Daniel asks. “What do you think?”
“About?”
“Fucking me. For the record, everyone prefers me since I’m obviously more charming.” He accentuates his words with a grin that showcases his dimples.
And I can see it, his charm, the reason why many women would prefer him. Daniel is the type that oozes sex appeal and can effortlessly grab anyone’s attention. He has a striking kind of beauty that glows from afar and blinds once you get close.
But he doesn’t have Knox’s intensity and he certainly doesn’t make me feel like I’ll jump out of my skin due to his presence alone.
“No,” I say simply, easily, and with so much assertiveness, it makes him pause.
“You don’t have to answer now. Think about it.”
“I don’t need to.”
“This is interesting.” He circles me again before stopping in front of me. “Is it because of Knox? He wouldn’t care.”
Well, I would. But I don’t say that, because I don’t have the voice to. So I just shrug, even though my heart is bleeding.
It’s not supposed to, but it’s metaphorically dripping all over the ground.
It’s funny that I left my family to avoid being hurt and used, but it feels as if I’ve landed in something much deeper and more painful.
And I need to distance myself from it.
From him.
The source of the shattering pain in my chest.
23
KNOX
Something’s changed.
I can’t quite pinpoint it, but it’s there in Anastasia’s stiff movements and silence.
Last night, when I fucked her against the kitchen counter, she was oddly quiet, then she curled up on the sofa and fell asleep
Usually, we have dinner together and talk about the case, or anything, actually. She talks nerdy to me about some new software or coding, her eyes brightening the more I listen. I’m not really interested in all that stuff, but the fact that she talks to me with that hyper tone of hers is an accomplishment. It’s the only time she leaves the prim and proper side of herself in the background.
In return, I find myself telling her about the friends and family I left in London or my antics with Dad, Ronan, and everyone else.
It’s so easy to talk to her, so easy to spend hours in her company without having to do anything.
It’s even better when she’s the one who talks about herself. Sometimes, she slips and mentions her cousin, her father, and her family. It’s in passing, though, and whenever she mentions them, her shoulders hunch and she changes the subject.
She talks more about Gwen, Chris, and Sandra than her actual past, and sometimes, it feels like she’s stuck in the middle.
Not fully Jane and not fully Anastasia either.
I’m along for the ride, enjoying every bit of her contradictions and letting it seep beneath my skin.
Not last night or this morning, though.
It’s like a barrier has materialized between us. The fact that I have no clue where it came from has been driving me bloody insane.
She’s also been busy today and can’t go to the supply room. I call bullshit on that, because she’s the most efficient member of the IT department and often finishes her tasks in the first half of the workday.
Stepping out of my car, I stare at the text message she sent me a few hours ago when I asked her what she wanted for dinner.
Anastasia: I’m going out with Gwen and Chris, so I won’t be home for dinner.
If there’s anything I’ve learned about her, it’s that she dislikes being in public, so going out is not the norm for her.
Either Gwen is corrupting her—and I wouldn’t be surprised if that were to be the case—or more logically, she’s avoiding me.
Which I will not have.
So I called Chris and made him tell me where they are.
“We’re at a club!” he shouted over the music, then texted me the address.
That’s where I am right now. At the fucking club.
Loud music nearly punctures my eardrums as I make my way through the crowd of writhing bodies. Blue light flashes in sync with trendy music and people go crazy when the beat drops.
Usually, this is my scene.
I live for the rush of adrenaline, alcohol, and sex. It’s what distracts me from my head and keeps my shadows at bay.
But that stopped being the norm ever since I met her. Ever since I owned her and inserted myself in her life as deeply as she invaded mine.