“Why?”
“I told you, for work.”
I squint. “Since when does Agnus choose work over being your shadow?”
“It’s a special type of work. Drop it.”
“Hmm.”
Dad pauses mixing the soup and stares at me. “What?”
“I’m curious, is all.”
“And I’m curious about your girl and the reasons why you didn’t introduce her to us. Is it not serious with her?”
My spine snaps in a line at his swift way of changing the subject and putting me in the limelight. I take a moment to think, then say in a low tone, “It’s not that. It’s…different.”
“Different as in, you don’t wrap it when you’re with her?” A smile tilts his lips, amusement shining in his eyes.
“How did you…？ I’m going to fucking kill Daniel.”
“It was Ronan, actually. He animatedly told the story to approximately thirty people at a party. It was entertaining.”
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. “Please tell me Teal and Elsa weren’t there.”
“They were the first in line.”
“Fuck.”
“It’s due to that piece of information they decided to tag along.” He continues mixing the ingredients slowly, taking his time with the task.
Dad has always been the type of person who doesn’t rush into anything. Whether it’s business or his personal life. He’s steady, almost never provoked, to the point that it’s creepy sometimes.
“Are you going to define “different,” Knox?”
“I don’t know how to explain it. I guess I feel more at peace when I’m with her, a little less perturbed, maybe. Just…not stuck in my head or with my shadows or in the past.”
“Interesting.”
“Do you think that’s normal?”
“Depends on your reasons for feeling that way.”
“What if I don’t know those reasons?”
“You do. You just don’t recognize them yet, which is to be expected considering you closed yourself off for decades.”
“I…didn’t close myself off.”
“Yes, you did.” His voice takes on a more soothing tone. “The first day I met you, you were this scrawny kid with protruding bones and marks all over your body. You were obviously hurt, hungry, thirsty, and scared. You were so scared, you shook with it, but even then, at eight years old, you pushed Teal behind you and came out first. Even though it seemed like your brain told you to run, you didn’t. You stood there, head held high and eyes never looking sideways. It was as if you were giving the world the middle finger and telling it that you wouldn’t run anymore, you wouldn’t hide. You wouldn’t be told what to do. From that point on, you’d fight. For yourself and your sister. You had a fire in your eyes, one that rose from the ashes of sealing your past. That fire is the reason I decided to raise you, Knox, but I always knew it hid a deeper layer, a layer you refuse to face, even as an adult.”
My grip tightens on the knife and I take a deep breath to slow down the fucking pounding in my chest. “What do you want me to face, Dad? My whore mother who sold us out for some drugs or the father whose identity she didn’t even know? They’re both gone, and it’s pointless to think about them.”
He faces me, a dip appearing between his brows. “That’s where you’re wrong. They’re may be gone, but the damage they left behind isn’t.”
“I’m fine, Dad. I’m a lawyer, the youngest partner in the firm, in fact, and bloody brilliant at what I do. I’m not a criminal or a lowlife or a manipulator. I. Am. Fine.”
“That’s what Teal said before she broke down.”
I pause, letting the knife fall to the chopping board because I’m tempted to jam it against my own veins just to see blood.
That was one of the reoccurring thoughts I had as a teen, but I resisted, knowing it would make Dad and T sad. There was no way in fuck I would be the cause of misery for the people I cared about the most.
He meets my gaze, his voice lowering even further, as if he doesn’t want to disturb my shadows. “Teal only got better when she faced it, Knox.”
“I’m not her.”
“No, you’re not. You’re worse. At least she recognizes something is wrong and doesn’t go pretending everything is perfect. You need to start doing the same if you wish to keep that girl. No woman likes a man trapped with demons from his childhood.”