Robert looked at her oddly. “I beg your pardon?”
“I was fourteen when she died. How old were you?”
“I was seven. My mother died in childbirth.” Victoria's already gentle face softened even more. “I'm so sorry. You barely had a chance to know her, and you lost a sibling as well. Was the baby a brother or a sister?”
“A sister. My mother lived just long enough to name her Anne.”
“I'm sorry.”
He smiled wistfully. “I remember what it felt like to be held by her. My father used to tell her that she was coddling me, but she didn't listen.”
“The doctor said my mother had a cancer.” Victoria swallowed painfully. “Her death wasn't peaceful. I like to think that she's somewhere up there”—she waved her head toward the sky—“where she isn't in any pain.”
Robert touched her hand, deeply moved.
“But sometimes I still need her. I wonder if we ever stop needing our parents. And I talk to her. And I look for her.”
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“You'll think I'm silly.”
“You know I would never think that.”
There was a moment of silence, and then Victoria said, “Oh, I say things like, ‘If my mother is listening, then let the wind rustle the leaves of that branch.’ Or, ‘Mama, if you're watching, make the sun go behind that cloud. Just so I know you're with me.’”
“She's with you,” Robert whispered. “I can feel it.”
Victoria settled into the cradle of his arms. “I've never told anyone about that. Not even Ellie, and I know she misses Mama just as much as I do.”
“You'll always be able to tell me everything.”
“Yes,” she said happily, “I know.”
It was impossible to keep their courtship a secret from Victoria's father. Robert called at the vicar's cottage nearly every day. He told the vicar that he was teaching Victoria to ride, which was technically the truth, as anyone who watched her limp about the house after a lesson could attest. Still, it was obvious that the young couple shared deeper feelings. The Reverend Mr. Lyndon vehemently disapproved of the match, and told Victoria as much on every possible occasion.
“He will never marry you!” the vicar boomed, using his best sermon voice. Such a tone never failed to intimidate his daughters.
“Papa, he loves me,” Victoria protested.
“It doesn't matter if he does or doesn't. He won't marry you. He's an earl and will someday be a marquess. He won't marry a vicar's daughter.”
Victoria took a deep breath, trying not to lose her temper. “He is not like that, Father.”
“He is like any man. He will use you and discard you.”
Victoria blushed at her father's frank language. “Papa, I—”
The vicar jumped on top of her words, saying, “You are not living in one of your silly novels. Open your eyes, girl.”
“I am not as naive as you think.”
“You are seventeen years old!” he yelled. “You couldn't be anything but naive.”
Victoria snorted and rolled her eyes, aware that her father hated such unladylike mannerisms. “I don't know why I bother to discuss this with you.”
“It is because I am your father! And by God, you will obey me.” The vicar leaned forward. “I have seen the world, Victoria. I know what's what. The earl's intentions cannot be honorable, and if you allow him to court you further, you will find yourself a fallen woman. Do you understand me?”
“Mama would have understood,” Victoria muttered.
Her father's face turned red. “What did you say?”
Victoria swallowed before repeating her words. “I said that Mama would have understood.”
“Your mother was a God-fearing woman who knew her place. She would not have crossed me on this measure.”
Victoria thought about how her mother used to tell silly jokes to her and Ellie when the vicar wasn't paying attention. Mrs. Lyndon hadn't been as serious and grave as her husband had thought. No, Victoria decided, her mother would have understood.
She stared at her father's chin for a long moment before finally lifting her eyes to his and asking, “Are you forbidding me to see him?”
Victoria thought her father's jaw might snap in two, so tense was his facial expression. “You know I cannot forbid it,” he replied. “One word of displeasure to his father, and I will be tossed out without a reference. You must break it off.”
“I won't,” Victoria said defiantly.