“That’s two minutes,” he turns to walk in the direction of the woods, and I speak up because I know no amount of scheming will give me back his audience.
“I do love them. Maybe they screwed up, but what got me involved is their allegiance to you, and your cause, everything all of you collectively stand for. They didn’t expect to love me back, they expected to use me, but the fact that they weren’t capable of deceiving me on that level is why I’m standing here fighting to be there for them. I’m still angry, but I understand. They made me understand. And maybe this had nothing to do with me, but it now has everything to do with me. Please. Let. Me. Help.” I wipe the weakness from my eyes and stare after him. He’s magnificent and cruel, and far beyond anything I expected to face today. I was expecting my golden sun or my cool dark cloud, and the thought of never seeing them again is too much to bear. I’m begging, and I shouldn’t be. I should pack up and leave and kiss this whole town goodbye. Fuck my father and the bed he made. We have no relationship, and I could try to find another way, a safer way to take care of my mother. But as the thought occurs, images of Sean and Dominic and the fear of the unknown cripples me. I can’t bring myself to walk away. Not yet.
“I believe in this, in everything you’re doing, in everything you stand for. I want in.” It’s the absolute truth, but I fear I’ve spoken up too late.
Back turned, he pulls my top from his pocket and frees it at his side before it falls to the deck. “I’ll think about it.”
The first sign of autumn chill confirms his decision. And silence is my answer. It was always going to be no.
It’s only been weeks since my confrontation with the hostile stranger, but it’s the crisp air that plagues me with finality. No more summer nights beneath the stars with Dom, no more lengthy hikes with Sean. My love, affection, loyalty, and devotion mean nothing.
The end of the season marks the end of everything I’ve come to care about in my time here. It was just a little over three months, but I feel the change in myself, the change in my makeup. I’m so far from the curious girl I was when I arrived.
My reality is changing as rapidly as the foliage surrounding me in varying shades of brown, crimson red, and marigold. And in my state, I can’t appreciate the beauty, only the message.
Summer isn’t endless.
It’s all over.
I started community college this week and threw myself into my studies. My shifts at the plant are more grueling now that Sean quit—and he’d done so the minute after he left me in that office.
Just once I’ve given in to my curiosity and walked through the expanse of grass of Roman’s back yard and into the wooded clearing—only to be met by utter silence. The picnic benches are gone, and the landscape’s starting to rapidly grow over. It’s as if it never happened. Aside from the new vegetation and the rustling of the trees, the space is void of life.
My tan has faded, and I know I’ve lost weight, my figure becoming gaunt as my heart shrivels, surviving only on memories from the months prior—months where granting smiles didn’t feel like a chore.
It’s my dreams that can sometimes bring relief. Dreams of long walks in a hazy cloud, of heated looks, of thunderstorms, and captive kisses. It’s waking from them that leaves me raw, aching, grieving.
Melinda’s been a surprising support, spending endless shifts updating me on all things Triple Falls, carefully avoiding conversation about those who I long to hear from the most.
Not that she would know.
Sean said he would make things right, but the pretense was one day.
One day.
A term so vague, so loose for interpretation that each day feels like a sentence.
The more days that pass, the more I realize it wasn’t a promise or a guarantee, but more of a hope.
All of this heartbreak is because of two ghosts doing their job in haunting me. I’ve honored Sean’s request. I never drive by the garage, never try to text either of them. It’s pointless. They’ve made their decision and declared their loyalty. Our time together wasn’t significant enough. I wasn’t significant enough to cause a ripple in their agenda.
At least that’s how their silence makes me feel.
Christy keeps me sane with long FaceTime talks of the future. Of our plans and the idea that in a year, we’ll resume them. It brings some comfort. This was only supposed to be a stopping point. As it turned out, it proved to be a leaping point, but right now, I have nowhere safe to land.
The longer they remain silent, the more my heart breaks.