There抯 a desk to the right.
揝carlett Kensington,?I pant. 揥hat room is Scarlett Kensington in??
The nurse studies me, stern and assessing. 揂re you a relative??
揑抦 her husband. The father. Where is she??
She taps some keys on the computer. The seconds feel like minutes. 揜oom 526.?
I start to the right, only to discover the numbers are going down, not up. I sprint to the left until I reach 526 and burst inside.
Scarlett is sitting up in bed, listening to a white coat-clad man who must be a doctor. When she sees me, her expression collapses. I rush to her side, grabbing her hand and kissing her head.
揧ou must be Crew. I抦 Dr. Summers.?
揑s something wrong??
Dr. Summers looks somber. 揑 was just telling your wife we can抰 wait any longer. I抦 afraid the baby isn抰 positioned properly for a natural birth. We抣l need to do an emergency C-section before the baby goes into distress.?
揇istress??I echo. Scarlett抯 hand tightens around mine.
揥e抣l do everything we can to prevent that from happening. That抯 why we need to move quickly.?
For the first time since I抳e known her, Scarlett looks young and scared. Frail. 揅an my husband stay with me??she asks in a tinny voice.
Dr. Summers smiles kindly, but his tone is firm. 揑抦 so sorry, but no. We don抰 allow family members in the operating room during emergency surgery.?Emergency surgery. Those two words permeate the fog in mind. Sharp panic cuts through as dread coils in my stomach. 揂 nurse will be in shortly to take you downstairs.?
I抦 frozen. Scarlett抯 breathing is quick and choppy. 揧ou knew? When we were on the phone??
揟hey told me there might be complications when I came in. I knew you抎 get here as soon as you could.?She gives me a wry smile that falls short. 揝orry for freaking out on the phone.?
揑 should have had my ringer on. What complications??
揥hat Dr. Summers said. The baby isn抰 flipped the right way. But since my water already broke, they can抰 wait any longer to see if it will reposition.?
I inhale, torn between pelting her with more questions and avoiding freaking her out.
A woman in pink scrubs enters the room. The nurse smiles at Scarlett. 揜eady to become a mom??Her cheer doesn抰 sound feigned, but it doesn抰 register as real. This isn抰 how this was supposed to happen. It doesn抰 feel like a happy, joyful moment.
Scarlett smiles back but doesn抰 reply.
The nurse gives an understanding nod. 揜eady??
揜eady,?Scarlett replies. Her hand squeezes mine.
I lean down and kiss her forehead, letting my lips linger. 揑 love you.?
Scarlett抯 grip tightens. 揑 love you too.?
Then she lets go. The nurse wheels her bed away.
揂s soon as there抯 an update, someone will let you know,?she tells me on her way out.
All of a sudden, I抦 standing in an empty hospital room, alone. My body feels heavy, my limbs disconnected. Breathing becomes difficult. I need out of this tiny room. I抎 go outside if I weren抰 terrified of missing an update.
I walk back into the waiting room in a daze. Asher stands when I appear. Honestly, I forgot he was here.
揑sabel went back to the office. What抯 going on??Asher asks. 揟hat seemed sort of fast.?
Under any other circumstances, him pretending he knows anything about childbirth, specifically the length of time it takes, would be amusing. I抦 too anxious to do anything but pace right now. Back and forth. This waiting room looks the same as the one in the cardiac wing. While waiting to hear if Hanson had made it, I didn抰 experience any trepidation. His death wouldn抰 make me lose any sleep.
Scarlett抯 would shatter me. Just the hypothetical thought has my throat tightening and my eyes stinging. I feel like ants are crawling across my skin. Like my clothes are too hot and too tight. I try to take deep breaths, to pull in the air tinged with antiseptic.
揅rew, you抮e freaking me the fuck out. What is going on??
In. Out. In. I keep pacing. 揝he抯 in surgery.?
揝urgery??Asher抯 eyes widen. 揑s that卬ormal??
揘o, it抯 not normal,?I bite out.
揇o you want me to卌all anyone??
揑 don抰 care.?The honest answer is I don抰 know. Scarlett and I never discussed who we抎 invite to the hospital or when we would. I figured I抎 be with her, that we抎 get to make these decisions together, after we had a healthy baby.
I keep pacing. I don抰 know what time she went into surgery. How long a C-section takes. I抦 totally unprepared, and the only thing that抯 keeping me from totally losing it is the hope that any minute someone will come tell me they抮e both fine.
I walk in circles until I start to feel dizzy. Then I sit. Bounce my knee. Spin my wedding ring in circles. Press my palms to my eyes and try to pretend I抦 anywhere else.