When I reach the edge of the patio, I hesitate. I should slip inside and rejoin the party. Play the perfect hostess and give Crew a chance to cool off. I walk inside, but instead of following the sound of talking and laughter, I slip up the back stairwell that leads to the second floor.
The door to my usual bedroom is ajar, even though I抦 certain I closed it before heading downstairs earlier. I push it open to reveal the room is empty and dark. But the bathroom light is on. I close the door behind me and drop my heels in a heap, announcing my arrival.
Silently, I pad across the jute rug over to the doorway that leads to the en suite. Crew is standing at the sink, washing his hands. The water runs pink.
I lean against the doorway, debating what to say. I settle on, 揂re you okay??
揊ine.?His tone is as short as his response.
I stay in place as he shuts off the tap and dries his hands, avoiding the cut on one knuckle. 揧ou should put some hydrogen peroxide on that.?
He doesn抰 reply. I shove away from the doorframe, walking over to him. Tension is still radiating off him as I brush against his arm so I can lean over and pull the brown bottle out of the cabinet. I grab a few cotton balls as well.
揝it.?I nod toward the edge of the tub as I soak the cotton with liquid. The harsh chemical smell burns my nose.
Crew hesitates before he complies. I watch him out of the corner of my eye as he perches on the marble. The bathroom is big梐s large as the one in my penthouse梑ut it feels tiny with his presence. I study the golden hairs on his tan arms. The way his shirt pulls taut across his shoulders. The blue eyes that see more than I mean to show.
Satisfied the cotton is soaked, I cross the tile and crouch down so I can dab the ball on the split between his knuckles. For a few seconds, the only sound is our breathing.
Crew speaks first. 揧ou know, I抳e imagined you in this position before. Never doing this, though.?
I meet his gaze for a minute. A few retorts are on the tip of my tongue. Some dirtier than he probably thinks I抦 capable of. But I don抰 want our first time to be like this. So I ask a question I抦 pretty sure will douse any more innuendo. 揥hy don抰 you like the Hamptons??
揑 like them fine.?His response is nonchalant. There抯 emotion underneath it though, underscored in the way his jaw tightens and his eyes darken. This close, I can抰 not register the subtle changes.
揟hen why don抰 you come here in the summer??
揥ho told you that??
I keep dabbing. 揜achel Archibald. It抯 a good thing we had a short engagement. If the number of you抮e not good enough for him comments I heard today are the amount after the wedding, who knows what it would have been like before.?
揥ho said you抮e not good enough for me??Rather than gloating, his expression is more of a glower.
揑 know what people think of me. I get everything I want without working for it, apparently.?
揧ou work hundred-hour weeks, Scarlett. Fuck anyone who says that.?
I don抰 say what I抦 thinking: you probably already did. I抦 sick of the jibes.
He uses his uninjured hand to tilt my chin up. 揑 mean it. You抮e Scarlett Ellsworth. You don抰 care what anyone thinks.?
揑抦 good at acting like I don抰。？More honest than I meant to be.
揧ou don抰 have to act around me.?
I don抰 answer at first. I lift his right hand so I can inspect the cut on his hand more closely. His knuckles are pink and swollen, but at least he抯 no longer bleeding. 揔ensington.?
揌uh??
I drop his hand and throw the cotton balls into the trash can before I stand up. 揧ou called me Scarlett Ellsworth. It抯 Scarlett Kensington.?His smile makes me wish I抎 stayed sitting. 揑抦 going to head back downstairs.?
He nods; I flee. I put my heels back on and step out into the hallway. I need space. Time. Distance.
Crew is confusing. Everything about him is confusing. What he says. What he does. What he doesn抰 say. What he doesn抰 do. And the way I feel around him is the most confusing of all.
Going into this marriage, I had one goal: to make Crew see me as an equal. I抳e retained all the power I had when I agreed to marry him. I didn抰 consider any of the other ways I might want Crew to see me. I抦 worried梩errified梬hat the repercussions of admitting I want things between us to be real might be. But continuing along the way we have isn抰 tenable.
Rather than walk downstairs, I head into one of the other guest rooms down the hall. I feel like being alone. There抯 a loveseat in the corner I curl up on. I lose track of time as I lie there and replay today in my head.
Once the sounds downstairs grow quieter and quieter, I stand and walk back down to my room. The bedroom is dark and the bathroom light is on, just like before. But there抯 a big lump in the left side of the bed.