He says nothing at first, which is the worst possible response. Crew has become the one person I can rely on to challenge me. I crave that from him, more than financial security or fidelity. I want him to see me as an equal and as a partner梑ecause that抯 the way I see him. The muscles of his jaw shift as he visibly clenches it, holding in whatever he was going to reply with. I wait, and it spills out. 揥hat the fuck, Scarlett??
The question is basically spat at me. I want to smile, but I don抰。 揥hat the fuck what, Crew??
揑 can抰 win with you. No matter what I do. I came here to support you. And I watch tennis for hours and try to get to know you and make small talk with your桰 don抰 even know what Jacques does for you梐nd you act like I抦 in your way!?
He抯 too good. At all of this. I know how to play the game of secrets and lies and deceit. Of betrayal and sweeping mistakes under the rug. I know how to handle the Crew I talked to at Proof, who looked at me with total indifference. The guy who would greet me with a perfunctory, bland You look nice and then ignored me for the rest of the night. I抦 not equipped to handle the Crew who came here to support me. Who makes me feel special梥ame as he does with everyone else. He抯 the sun and I抦 Icarus, after he learned his lesson.
揑 didn抰 ask you to do any of that!?I snap. 揑 didn抰 ask you to come. I didn抰 want you to come.?
He shakes his head. Laughs. Scoffs. 揑f this is you trying, I can抰 imagine how you抣l act when you抮e about to file for divorce.?
I don抰 react to them, but I feel the words hit me like a physical slap. I meant it when I told him I抎 try. He抯 staining that moment, that memory, dragging it through this ugly argument. I spent all afternoon trying. If I hadn抰， I would have been holed up in the hotel working. Ignoring each other except to exchange insults wasn抰 tenable. Neither is the happy couple we pretended to be today. I抣l always have one foot out the door梐lways be waiting for him to turn into some version of my father梖ocused on nothing but keeping the keys to the kingdom.
Crew told me he could have married someone else earlier. We both know why he didn抰。 If my last name wasn抰 formerly Ellsworth, he would have. He has qualities that can抰 be bought, like charisma and charm. More to offer than a handsome face and a bank account trailing zeroes.
People genuinely like him. They indulge me because they know I can be a powerful friend and a ruthless enemy. Because I抳e found fear far more effective than love.
He wouldn抰 have married me if not for an arrangement.
But I would have married him.
That realization is why I can no longer look at him. I study the stucco floor tiles instead. 揑抦 not going to file for divorce.?
Maybe the most honest sentence I抳e ever said to him. I won抰 be the reason this marriage ends. Fails, maybe. But not the one who flags the dotted line to sign.
Not because my father would be furious I destroyed the future he arranged.
Not because I抎 lose everything I gained.
Not because my other prospects would be dismal.
Because I抦 selfish.
I want him and I don抰 want anyone else to have him.
Crew pushes away from the wall, looming over me. For one wild, thrilling second, I think he抯 about to kiss me. Force me to admit I do want him here. Instead, he turns to his right, toward the exit.
揧ou抮e leaving??
One eyebrow cocks infuriatingly as he glances back. 揢sing the restroom. Is that allowed, honey??
The harshest word in the sentence is the sweetest. The honey slaps. Our nickname game was entertaining. But after hearing him call me Red with feeling, with genuine affection, honey just sounds insulting. I sigh, the fight draining from me as his bitter tone registers. That抯 one of our many problems: one of us is usually in the mood to spar. 揧ou can leave, if you want.?
I抦 not only talking about the restaurant, and I know he realizes that when determination flashes across his face. 揑抦 not a quitter. For better or worse, Red.?
揑 thought the only vow you meant was for richer.?
His lips twitch, his bad mood temporarily fading like the sun peeking out behind clouds. 揧ou抮e still wearing your sticker.?
揌uh??
Crew steps forward and tugs the green admission sticker from Versailles off my dress. I snag it from his fingers before he can crumple it.
He watches me tuck it into my clutch with an unreadable expression. 揑t抯 okay to care, you know.?
揑 know.?
揇o you??Crew counters.
Then he leaves me standing here, gaping after him like a goldfish.
You wouldn抰 know it抯 summer based on the iciness in this car. The rest of dinner with Jacques went smoothly. Crew stayed quiet as Jacques and I went over everything that needs to get taken care of this week.