Scarlett comes into view, decked out in down and trudging through the foot of snow already piled on the ground from a storm before we arrived. Teddy bounces behind her, barking happily. I smile as Scarlett throws an orange tennis ball and Teddy bounds through the drifts after it.
The door to the study opens and my father walks in. He halts when he sees me, obviously expecting to find the space empty.
揑 can go,?I offer. Knowing him, he has work to get done.
He surprises me by saying 揑t抯 fine,?and taking a seat in the other armchair. 揧ou抳e already made yourself at home,?he adds, nodding toward the drink in my hand and sounding more like his usual self.
I watch Scarlett throw the tennis ball for Teddy again.
He follows my gaze, taking in the view of the snowy yard for the first time. 揝eems like things are going well between you two.?
揟hey are.?I pause. 揝he抯 pregnant.?
My father抯 smile is wide and full and more genuine than I抳e seen in a long time. 揥ell, how about that? Nice work, son. Congratulations.?
I shift uncomfortably. Never did I ever think I would have to say this next part to my father as an adult. 揅ongratulations to you too. Candace seems excited.?
My father is silent for a few minutes, adding layers of awkwardness to what already existed. Finally, he speaks. 揑 had a vasectomy shortly after your mother died.?
揙h.?Rather than address the implications of what he抯 really saying梑ecause fuck桰 ask, 揧ou didn抰 want more kids??
揙nly with her.?
In the twenty-five years I抳e known him, it抯 the most sentimental statement I抳e ever heard my father utter. 揗om would probably find that romantic.?
Everything about this moment is bizarre: the small yet genuine smile on my father抯 face, talking about my mother like she抯 more than a ghost we stopped acknowledging as soon as her funeral ended, how it抯 come about by way of his current抯 wife revelation.
揘o.?He swirls the whiskey in the tumbler, a move I recognize. A move I copy. 揝he抎 be disappointed. So, so disappointed in me. Losing her was the worst thing I抳e experienced. I shunned everything that reminded me of her.?
I nod. Everyone, he means. 揝he抎 forgive you, Dad.?
He hums a sound with a subtle undertone of thanks.
I glance outside to see Scarlett and Teddy have disappeared. 揑 should head upstairs. Scarlett is a light sleeper. I don抰 want to wake her up.?
My father nods as I down the end of my drink and stand. I抦 halfway to the door when he speaks. 揅rew.?
I turn. 揧eah??
He抯 looking outside at the snow, not me. 揇on抰 mention any of this to Oliver. Candace isn抰 one to turn down attention. There抯 still a chance he抯 not the father.?I抦 sure I look like a goldfish. My mouth is gaping, but no sound comes out. He chuckles. Dark and ominous. 揑 wasn抰 sure if you knew. Now I do.?
I don抰 say what I抦 thinking. That I didn抰 think he knew. I want to ask if he抯 planning to say anything to Oliver梠r Candace梑ut I sort of don抰 want to know. Mostly, I want to pretend this conversation never happened. 揑 suspected.?
He抯 still staring at the yard. 揧ou should probably request a paternity test yourself. Can抰 be too careful.?
Any sympathy or understanding drains away like liquid down an open drain. If he wanted either, he shouldn抰 have brought her into it. 揧ou抮e right, Dad. Mom would be disappointed in you.?
He doesn抰 so much as flinch. 揥e need to talk more tomorrow, Crew.?
揊ine.?I walk out of the study and slam the door behind me.
When I enter the room I抦 sharing with Scarlett, she抯 a lump under the covers. Teddy is curled up in his crate in the corner. He sits up when I close the door behind me. I kneel beside his crate to scratch his ears through the bars. Scarlett is still in the same position when I stand. I walk into the bathroom to get ready for bed before sliding under the covers next to her.
I lie there and stare up at the ceiling I can抰 see in the dark, trying to pinpoint exactly when my family became so screwed up. Whoever said money can抰 buy happiness was clearly onto something. Most of the rich people I know are perpetually unhappy. Wealth provides security. Too much money makes you feel untouchable. And that can easily become dangerous. Higher highs and lower lows.
揥hat time is it??Scarlett抯 groggy voice comes from my left.
揕ittle past eleven.?
She groans. 揑 went to bed a half hour ago.?
揑抦 sorry. I tried to be quiet.?
揑t抯 not you. I never sleep well the first night in a new place.?
We lie in silence, side by side. This is my favorite part of every day: falling asleep beside her.
揅razy about Candace, huh??
I can抰 muffle the snort that escaped. You have no idea.