And I want to help him. I have to.
“I want a date,” I decide.
“What?”
“I’m your girlfriend, right? You guys have taken me on all these dates. I haven’t gotten to pick anything. I want a date.”
“Right now?” He looks exhausted. Like all of his batteries have run out of juice. It hurts my heart to see him like this. “Can I get a rain check?”
“Sorry, it’s not raining,” I tell him. “Don’t worry. It’ll just be at my flat. I’ll order pizza and we’ll watch a movie. Whatever. It’ll be chill.”
He frowns. “I don’t think I’m in the right mindframe to be romantic. I’ll probably just bring the mood down.” His hand splays over my back. “I’m sorry.”
“Jesus, Josh.” I lean forward, pressing my forehead to his. “I don’t want you to be romantic. I don’t want you to be anything.” His breath hitches as I press a kiss under his jaw. “You don’t have to do anything. Or say anything. You can just sleep in my bed, if you want. Drink all my wine. Play Snake on your phone and ignore me. We don’t have to exchange one word. I literally don’t care.” I take his hand, interlacing our fingers. “Just come, please.”
His brow is furrowed as I help him to his feet. “Why?”
“I don’t want you to be alone right now.”
He doesn’t have anything to say to that. He lets me tug him out of his bedroom and across the hall into my flat. Next to his dark, messy lair, my living room is like some kind of pink-papered paradise, clean and warm and full of light. I shove him onto the sofa, hand him the TV remote, and go to the fridge to get us both a drink.
When I get back with two bottles of beer, he hasn’t moved. He’s staring blankly at the wall opposite, his jaw working. I can practically feel the sharp fragments of his grief splintering through the quiet room.
“Josh,” I say quietly.
He looks up at me. His eyes are dry, but he’s breathing hard.
I plop onto the sofa next to him. “Lie down.” When he doesn’t move, I push him down, curling against his broad chest. His arms wrap around me automatically, and he buries his face in my hair, breathing me in. For a while, we just lie together in the quiet, dim room. Eventually, he falls asleep, his body finally relaxing underneath mine. It’s way too early for me to sleep, but I just arrange him a bit more comfortably, watching over him as the sun sets outside the window. My heart feels like it’s bursting.
TRANSCRIPT
THREE SINGLE GUYS EPISODE 448: LET’S TALK ABOUT TEXT
ZACK: So, this is the end of week four of our experiment. Today, we focussed on your sexting skills. Layla, what did we learn?
LAYLA:… that if a guy sends a grey sweatpants pic, don’t respond with the magnifying glass emoji.
ZACK: Or?
LAYLA: The laughing face emoji.
ZACK: And? What else?
LAYLA: （sighs） That if a boy says ‘send nudes’， they’re supposed to be pictures of me.
JOSH: Although to be fair, that basketball player did have a very nice bum. （Papers rustling）。 Do you want to know what this week’s lesson will be about?
LAYLA: Amaze me.
JOSH: Well, for the listeners following along at home, we’ve already gone over the first meeting, flirting, the second date, and messaging etiquette. By this point, you should have a good surface understanding of your partner. Now, it’s time to take things to the next level by introducing them into your personal life.
LUKE: Vulnerability is a key factor in intimacy. This is the way you’re going to forge strong emotional ties, so it’s a vital part of dating, and one that a lot of us struggle with.
LAYLA: Yikes. I should have told you earlier. I have no feelings. I am a hollow shell of a human, sorry.
JOSH: （Ignores her） So, for this next phase of our experiment, we’re going to be digging a little deeper. We’ve all come up with an activity that will let Layla into our personal lives.
LUKE: I’ll go first. As lots of you know, my ex-wife is getting married in a week’s time. I’ve been invited to the wedding, and I’m inviting Layla as my plus-one. If you’d like to come, sweetheart?
（Long pause）
LAYLA: Um, yeah, I’ll give it a go. I’ve never been to a wedding before.
LUKE: They’re awful.
LAYLA: We can trauma bond, then.
JOSH: Jumping off from Luke’s idea — L, my entire extended family will be at the wedding, and I’d like you to meet them. If it’s okay, I’ll arrange a spot for you at our after-wedding breakfast. Meeting the family is always a stressful part of a new relationship, so I think this would be a good exercise.