Leigh left her phone on the seat as she got out of the car. Walter was folding up the table when she stepped inside the Love Machine. Celia hadn’t spent much money on decorating, but everything was neat and functional. A long banquette served as a couch between two partitions. The galley kitchen ran along the back with a closet and bathroom making a small hallway to the bedroom at the rear. Walter had turned on the running lights along the strip of carpeted floor. The soft glow brought out the sharp angle of his jawline. She could see the shadow of a beard growing. He had started shaving every other day since the pandemic. Leigh hadn’t realized how much she liked it until those brief months during the first lockdown when she had found herself back in his bed.
“Shit.” She put her hand to her bare face. “I forgot my mask.”
“It’s all right.” Walter took a step back, leaving some distance between them. “ Callie made an appearance at Maddy’s soccer practice today.”
Leigh felt the usual mix of emotions—guilt that she still had not called to check on her sister since last night and hope that finally Callie had shown some interest in being part of her family.
“She looks okay.” He leaned against the partition. “I mean, she’s way too skinny, but she was smiling and joking around. Same old Callie. I swear to God, she looked like she had a tan.”
“Did she …”
“No, I offered, but she didn’t want to meet Maddy. And yes, she was high, but not falling down or making a scene.”
Leigh nodded, because that wasn’t the worst news. “How’s Marci?”
“Getting married,” Walter said. “She’s back with her old boyfriend.”
For the first time in days, Leigh felt the anvil lift a tiny bit of its weight off of her chest. “I thought when I saw the RV—”
“I’m gonna quarantine out here for ten days. I asked Mom to drive up so she can keep an eye on Maddy.”
Leigh felt the weight come back. “Were you exposed?”
“No, I was going to call you tomorrow, but then you showed up here and—” He shook his head, like the details didn’t matter. “I wanted to be able to do this.”
Without warning, he closed the gap between them and pulled Leigh into his arms.
She put up no resistance. She let her body melt into his. A sob came from her mouth. She wanted so desperately to stay with him, to pretend like everything was okay, but there was nothing she could do but try to memorize this moment so that she could think about it for the rest of her life. Why did she always cling to the bad things and let the good things slip away?
“Sweetheart.” Walter tilted up her face so that she would look at him. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
Leigh touched her fingers to his mouth. She felt in her soul that she was on the precipice of doing lasting harm to what was left of their marriage. She could have sex with him. She could fall asleep in his arms. But then tomorrow or the next day she would still have to tell him the truth, and the betrayal would cut that much deeper.
“I need to—” Leigh’s voice caught. She took a deep breath. She led Walter to the banquette and sat down beside him. “I have to tell you something.”
“This sounds serious,” he said, not sounding serious at all. “What is it?”
She looked down at their intertwined fingers. Their wedding rings were both scratched, but neither of them had ever taken them off.
Leigh couldn’t keep dragging this out. She made herself pull away. “I need to tell you something out of the confines of our marriage.”
He laughed. “Okay.”
“I mean, it’s not part of our marital privilege. This is just you and me talking.”
He finally picked up on her tone. “What’s wrong?”
Leigh couldn’t be this close to him anymore. She slid across the seat until her back was against the partition. She thought about all those times she’d reached her foot across the couch cushion because she couldn’t stand not somehow being connected to him. What she was about to say could sever that tie irrevocably.
There was no more putting it off. She started at the beginning. “Do you remember I told you I started babysitting kids in the neighborhood when I was eleven?”
Walter shook his head, not because he didn’t remember, but because he thought it was crazy that anyone had believed it was a good idea for an eleven-year-old child to be left in charge of other children.
“Yes,” he said. “Of course I do.”