Taylor and I had never operated that way. Every part of our home and work lives were wrapped up together. Taylor paid most of our personal bills and knew every dollar in each of our bank accounts. There was nothing hidden between us when it came to our money. It was only after we’d had kids that my income became our sole income. She’d had a rock-star marketing career going when she became pregnant with Olivia. The initial plan had been for her to take a brief work break when Olivia was young and then get back out there. She enjoyed what she did. But then she got pregnant right away with Nicole. The brief break turned into something much more extended. With both girls now in school full-time, we had been talking about her doing some consultant work. We didn’t need the money—far from it. But Taylor mentioned she wanted to put some of her energy into more than just our home and the girls.
I found Taylor folding clothes in the laundry room. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I didn’t want her to see the stress I was feeling right now.
“Want some help?” I offered.
“Always.”
I moved in beside her in front of a stainless-steel laundry table, grabbed a few of the girls’ shirts, and began folding. I could never keep straight which clothes belonged to Olivia or Nicole. They were close to the same size.
“Your mom seems to be in better spirits this afternoon.”
“It comes in waves. It helps that the girls make her laugh.”
“It helps us all. How’re you doing?”
Taylor let out a deep sigh. “Up and down. I keep having these fleeting moments where I actually forget my dad is even gone. Like earlier, I was putting the dishes away. The girls were playing a board game with my mom in the living room. And for just a brief moment, I forgot. And I had this fleeting thought, like, I wondered what time my dad was coming over to join us. Then reality hit me again. I suddenly remembered and could barely breathe, it felt so overwhelming.”
“It’s going to be like that for a while.”
“How long? Because I hate the feeling.”
“I don’t know, babe.”
Taylor took a breath and exhaled. “I wish I had one more chance to tell him how much I loved him.”
“Your dad knew, Taylor. You made it very clear every day.”
“I guess. It’s just . . . I want to escape it all. Plus, I’m already tired of people stopping by the house with food and flowers. I know they mean well, but it all feels like too much. I really just want some space to breathe.”
“Well, what if right after the funeral on Saturday, we take your mom and the girls out to the lake house for a few days? Might be good for all of us to get away after this tough week. Turn our phones off and just be together. Share stories, drink, laugh.”
My in-laws had a beach-style house with a ski boat on the north side of Lake Travis about forty-five minutes away. The girls loved going there on the weekends and being out on the water. Joe and I would usually grill every meal. We’d all sit out on the deck and watch the sun set over the lake. They were really good times.
“I like that idea,” Taylor agreed. “I’ll run it past my mom.”
“Good.” I kissed her on the cheek. “Sorry to skip out on the rest of the folding, but I need to finish up some work in my office.”
As I began to walk out of the laundry room, Taylor said, “Hey, how did it go with Steve? Mom said you had some questions about the investment money.”
I swallowed. For a moment, I didn’t respond. I was afraid to tell Taylor the truth because I still didn’t know what I was going to discover at the end of all this. The truth felt frightening at the moment. Finding out that Joe had millions basically hidden in a foreign bank account that no one knew about and that he’d lied about his recent trip to DC left me wondering what else he might have misled his family about. I didn’t even want to crack open that door with Taylor right now. My wife was hurting. I wanted to protect her and shield her. But I also didn’t want to lie to her. We’d made a serious covenant a long time ago to always be honest. Standing there, feeling caught in the crosshairs of her direct question, I thought about how she’d made it so clear to me that she valued truth over everything on the night I’d proposed to her.
We’d had dinner and drinks at Jack Allen’s, one of our favorite restaurants, followed by the Broadway show Wicked at the Bass Concert Hall—Taylor loved musicals—and finally the moment of reckoning. I pulled my Jeep Cherokee into an empty parking lot outside of our old high school track stadium and parked. From the passenger seat, Taylor looked over at me with narrow eyes.