I do, said Grandma, it’s about crocodiles. Cool! I said. I lay across the hassock. I was tired of being an editor. Grandma told me that crocodiles have survived evolution and extinction and all that jazz because they have a characteristic that makes them almost indestructible which is the ability to enter a state similar to a living death. I lay very still and silently on the hassock. After a minute, Grandma said yes, exactly like that.
I leapt up. Surprise! I said. I’m alive.
Grandma said she was mighty grateful for that. She asked me if she’d ever mentioned her old friend Marcus to me. I don’t think so, I said, who’s he? Is he that guy who fell through the ice on his snowmobile? Marcus Aurelius, said Grandma. He really understood impermanence. I don’t want to understand impermanence, I told Grandma. I realize that, she said. But the thing is you are in the process of understanding impermanence, whether you want to be or not. We all are.
I got up to boil water for the conchigliettes. I can’t lie here forever! I said.
You know Buddhism? said Grandma. No, I don’t, I said.
It begins with that young princess living her sheltered life and seeing the four signs. She sees an old woman, she sees a sick woman, she sees a dead woman, she sees a holy woman and she realizes, Hey I’m going to get old, I’m going to get sick, and I’m going to die!
Buddhism is about a princess? I asked Grandma. Ball Game, Swiv! I ran to the door. I was so happy to be finished with our conversation. It was the twins Geoffrey and Gretchen from my class. Our teacher thinks we’re triplets because we all have the same tangled yellow hair and Nike swooshes under our eyes and torn clothing. The twins don’t fight, they’re not allowed to, but on the first day of school they said they liked my look and asked me if they could copy it. Our teacher said the blue under our eyes made it look like we were iron deficient. We all stood at the door smiling at each other. We had enough iron. Gretchen asked me if I could come out and play and I said yeah as long as Grandma would finish the conchigliettes. Ask her, said Geoffrey. He was whispering. I shouted at Grandma about the conchigliettes and she said yes, go play for heaven’s sake! As Bobby Sands, political prisoner of the British, said, Our revenge will be the laughter of our children!
Geoffrey and Gretchen knew this bank where we could get free doughnuts if we asked them about retirement planning. We went up to the teller and said we wanted to ask her about retirement planning. She said oh just get lost, the doughnuts are over there on that table. When we walked away she said god, I hate my life.
We played football for a long time. Our team was called the Zombies. We could never die. We tried to get more rips in our clothes. Gretchen was the quarterback and every time we huddled she said it’s Scrambled Eggs, or sometimes it was Whoot Whoot which were the names of her two plays. Me or Geoffrey would hut the ball to her and then run super fast in a straight line down the field and then turn hard to the left, which was Whoot Whoot, or if it was Scrambled Eggs we’d just run around like crazy all over the place, wherever we felt like going, waiting for her to throw the ball. After football we sat on the monkey bars and talked. This lady came up to us and said the city was closing the park soon to build a remand centre. She said now that the world is ending people are replacing having children with becoming criminals which is why we need more remand centres and fewer parks. We sat on the top bars and looked at her and nodded. She said, Can I ask you something? We said sure. Do I look P-A-L-E? We said no! Do I look ill? We said no, you look great! Do I look P-A-L-E? Nope! Do I look friendly? Yes! Do I look friendly and kindly? Yes! Do I look P-A-L-E? Nope! I look friendly and kindly? Yes. Do I look ill? No!
The lady went over to the garbage bin and looked inside it. She wrapped a giant scarf around and around her head and then she took it off again and wrapped it around her waist. She did jumping jacks. We whispered to each other. We didn’t know if she was great or not great. She walked away to where the streetcar stops and told us to have ourselves a fantastic day and God bless us.
We went back to my place. Gretchen screamed when she saw Grandma sleeping in her chair. I think she’s dead, she said. No, I said. That’s how she looks. Geoffrey and Gretchen never see old people. I put my head on Grandma’s chest. It went up and down.
Gotcha! Grandma yelled. She grabbed me and we all screamed.
Let’s eat! said Grandma. She talked to Geoffrey and Gretchen about stuff while I set the table with the blue glass candleholders from Auntie Momo and the yellow cloth napkins. I told Geoffrey and Gretchen they had to yell at Grandma for her to hear them. They were too shy at first, but finally everyone was yelling like usual.