Oh here we go, said Mom from the kitchen. She was still sawing Dead Heat. Another one of your friends. Listen, Swiv, Grandma said. This is what my friend the revolutionary, Huey P. Newton, said. You can only die once so don’t die a thousand times worrying about it. I looked at my phone. Isn’t that great! said Grandma. I love that! Mom said goddamnit I want to smoke a Marlie so bad right now. Grandma got up from her chair slowly and it looked like she might fall over so I grabbed her. It starts with a fall! I said. What? said Grandma. That’s what you said about your friend Gladys. And then poof, you’re dead and naked. Grandma laughed. She said I know which one you’d rather be, Swiv!
What are you talking about? I said. I don’t ever want to be dead or naked!
I know, I know, said Grandma. But if you were dead you wouldn’t have to worry about being naked. Or anything, said Mom.
You’re alive and you don’t worry about being naked, I told Grandma. She said that was true. And she wouldn’t worry about being naked when she was dead in Fresno either.
Mom gargled oregano oil when she was finished sawing and didn’t wipe it off the sink when she spit it out. I had been planning to talk to Mom about her letter-writing assignment but now I was too mad to be professional about it.
8.
Today was Thursday and Grandma and I went to Scarborough for her bodywork. Mom helped Grandma shower and wash her hair even though Grandma likes it better when I help her because I’m more gentle, and I did all our laundry for the trip to Fresno and went to Shoppers for Grandma’s meds. The pharmacist’s name is Zainab and she’s a friend of ours now because we’re such regulars and she knows everything about Grandma’s drugs and always phones to remind her when it’s time to renew them. One time she even brought them over to our house and stayed for conchigliettes and told us pharmacy stories about mixing up prescriptions and getting sued and people going nuts and dying and anyway, they’re all confidential. Today she asked me if Grandma was finally ready for the bubble packs and I said no way, Zainab! Not the bubble packs! Bubble packs mean the end! Zainab said okay, okay, Swiv, I’m joking, I’m joking. Why do you always shout? I told her because Grandma is hard of hearing and Mom is hard of listening so I have to yell all day long. I even yell in my dreams. Zainab understands me. I get you, I get you, she said. She repeats things I say. All day long, she said. In your dreams.
On the way to Scarborough, Mom rode on the bus with us for four blocks and got mad at three men for not letting her or Grandma sit on the bench for old and pregnant people. I had already found another seat for Grandma and Mom didn’t really look very pregnant with her giant Inspector Gadget coat on, so how were those men supposed to know? But naturally Mom got mad anyway and said, Excuse me, but these seats aren’t meant for you? The men were all deaf or they didn’t want to answer her and they just stared at their phones or into space. Mom said she was pregnant and her mother was elderly so could the men give them their seats? One of the guys said congratulations but didn’t move. Then Grandma hollered at Mom from the front of the bus and said, Honey, it’s fine, Swiv found me a seat! Plus, Mom was getting off in five seconds at the theatre so why would she even want to sit down and then leap up again right away? Mom said okay, but that’s not really the point, and then she stopped talking and stood there silently like a normal person, which was such a relief that I almost started crying.
But then no, she couldn’t bear to be normal for more than four seconds and she said to the woman standing next to her that this kind of thing made her mental and I wanted to tell the woman standing next to her that every kind of thing made Mom mental and do not respond! Grandma didn’t hear anything and just sat happily beside me reading one of her Dead Heat sections. I noticed a teenager looking at Grandma’s sawed up book and the teenager saw me looking at her and then looked away. My family should never be out in the world.
The woman standing next to Mom said, I know, right? I lose my shit. Mom had found a crazy friend! I looked out the window and saw the theatre where Mom rehearses and turned around to look at Mom and beg her with my eyes to get off the bus now, but without saying goodbye to me and without drawing any attention whatsoever to the fact that we know each other. Oh! said Mom. My stop! Bye, honey! she said. Don’t forget to cross at the lights with Grandma! Which made it sound like I was a stupid little kid who didn’t know how to even live. When Grandma was the one who was hell bent for leather and wanted to jaywalk but was too slow and distracted to dodge the cars properly and would almost get killed every time. Mom pushed herself and Gord through the people standing in the aisle and bent down to give me and Grandma kisses and then had to shout at the bus driver, who was closing the door, Wait, wait, this is my stop! The driver opened the door again and shook his head and Mom said thank you and bye guys, bye honey in a loud voice, waving directly at me and then finally got off the fucking bus.