Today Grandma and I are going by ourselves to the old folks’ home to visit all the people Grandma knows who haven’t already died. We’re taking Ken’s convertible! He said Grandma could drive it. She loves driving convertibles in California, she said, which made it sound like she had spent her youth being a movie star and driving around in convertibles every day instead of being a lonely maid in America with a dead mom. She said she’d give me a hundred bucks if I didn’t tell Mom she was going to drive Ken’s convertible because Mom told her she can’t drive anymore. Mom doesn’t want Grandma driving around with Gord in the car so she told Grandma in advance that she shouldn’t drive anymore so she could get used to the idea. Grandma hated that so much, but Mom said it was just about the natural reaction times of aging people and Gord’s life so Grandma had no choice. Mom also said she wanted Grandma to be on the Mediterranean diet and Grandma said it wasn’t fair that Mom should torture her in double time with not driving and being on the Mediterranean diet. Just to lay those two things on her at once was not on the level, she said. I said I’d stay quiet about the driving for two hundred bucks. Grandma said one hundred and fifty and I said deal because Grandma only lives off Grandpa’s pension.
Ken wanted to show Grandma how to drive the convertible but she said she already knew how. Of course I know how to drive stick! she said. What do you think? Grandma put it into gear and we lurched into reverse. Lookin’ good, man! said Ken. He stood in his driveway and waved goodbye with his big, strong, warm hand.
We drove around and around until Grandma remembered how to get to the old folks’ home. She couldn’t remember the name of the street or the name of the old folks’ home. She just had feelings about where it was. All we had to do was drive around and around until her feelings were made manifest, she said. The roof was off and Grandma’s white hair was blowing straight up from her head. She was wearing her giant welder’s glasses and Ken’s cut-off UCLA sweatpants. She drove fast. It felt like Grandma was younger now. It felt like I was driving around with Mom or Beyoncé or someone. That’s why old people get so furious when young people tell them they can’t drive anymore. Aha! Look at that! she said. She had found the home. When she got out of the car she was normal Grandma again, shuffling. I jumped out of the car without opening the door. I hope I don’t have to tell you that that’s cool. I ran around to her side and slammed on my brakes right beside her and screeched like I was driving a car, too. Ma’am? I said. She took my arm. We shuffled, shuffled, shuffled. We passed a group of old people standing in a bus shelter right beside the building. A nurse came out and told the old people in the bus shelter, Okay, everybody, we’re here! But they hadn’t gone anywhere. They walked out of the shelter and followed the nurse back into the building. Grandma told me those were the people who were always trying to escape and go home. The nurses set up a fake bus shelter where they could wait for a bus that never came before going back into the building. That’s how they do it now, said Grandma, it’s advanced thinking. That’s so sad! I said. Well, yes! said Grandma.
The nurse let us in and everyone who was with it knew Grandma! Some of them even knew me! Grandma had a conversation with her friend Leona. Leona hung on to Grandma’s hand and on to my hand really tightly the whole time they were talking so we couldn’t escape. Grandma told her about Gord. Babies are wonderful! said Leona. Yes they are, said Grandma. Just wonderful! So wonderful! They were really one hundred percent agreed on that. And I don’t mind being ninety because soon I’ll get to see Bill! said Leona. Bill was her first boyfriend, who had died before they could get married. Leona was married to someone else for seventy years but she’s not as excited about seeing him as she is about seeing Bill because Bill will be seventeen and cute and doing backflips from a standing position and her ninety-year-old husband will be lying in bed attached to a hose. Grandma and Leona started singing. It was a song about sitting down by the river in Babylon. When they were finished Leona said, Well, we’ll soon be dead. That’s how it is! said Grandma. That’s how it is, said Leona. That was two things they agreed on now. Babies are wonderful and soon they’d be dead. Leona told Grandma to tell Mooshie what a strong girl she is. Tell her! said Leona. I asked Grandma why everyone was saying how strong Mom was. Grandma said because she is and they know it and it’s good to be reminded of it. I wondered if I was strong.