T dropped us off at Ken’s place. He knew exactly where to go without feeling his way around. He and Grandma exchanged contact info. Grandma doesn’t have a cellphone, so he put his name and number and all that into my phone! Now I have two people to get messages from, T and Mom. Even though the messages from T will actually be for Grandma. She invited him and his friends in the other car to come and stay with us any time. T said he’d never been out of Fresno except for once and he hadn’t even realized it because he’d been in the trunk of a car but one day, one day! He hugged us again. I smelled his chest really fast, for less than a second. One last time.
Ken and Jude couldn’t believe that Grandma had broken her arm and lost her tooth at the old folks’ home. Oh man, said Ken, that’s crazy! No way! Jude wanted to make Grandma lie down quietly but Grandma wanted to be in the thick of things not stuffed away by herself in the bedroom with Mao and Jude’s thong, so Ken and Jude said she should lie down on the couch and they brought her things like pillows and water and snacks and more painkillers, which believe it or not she dropped all over the floor for me to pick up.
Charge of the Light Brigade! Grandma yelled, right before she swallowed the killers. Ken and Jude just looked at her. Wasn’t that a failed mission? said Ken. Grandma was coughing and spilling water and couldn’t talk right then. She stared at Ken. She was using her eyes to tell Ken, Of course it was a failed mission! It’s just funny! Life is a failed mission! Don’t you get it you old hippie grandpa/nephew man? We’re all gonna go crazy and die so just have some fun and keep doing it with Jude all over the house! You think all the trees are crying and screaming? You’re wrong! They’re laughing! Finally Grandma stopped coughing and started telling Ken and Jude about all the people she’d seen at the old folks’ home and how we’d had lunch and she’d danced and we’d seen Irene and Benjamin’s old house with T. She was huffing and puffing and trying to tell Ken and Jude everything! She told them she’d taught me how to drive stick even though I still didn’t really know how. We had a great time! she told Ken and Jude. This is nothing. She pointed at her tooth and arm. It’s just pain! It’s not life-threatening! That’s what I tell De Sica! He’ll fix it. They were nodding uh-huh, uh-huh, okay, and smiling and trying to listen, but also trying to figure out what to do about Grandma.
Jude started calling around to hospitals and clinics and insurance people. Should we call Mooshie? said Ken. No! Grandma and I yelled at the same time. You owe me a Coke, said Grandma. You’re gonna need a cast, man! said Ken. Grandma looked at her arm. This is the very least of my concerns, she said. She told Ken about the time she fell off a boat into a sea filled with electric jellyfish. Now that was an emergency! She started to laugh but ended up coughing again. Jude was getting mad on the phone. She was talking about Grandma’s insurance policy. Ken was now also calling people on his cellphone and talking about Grandma and her insurance. Jude and Ken were both pacing around the kitchen talking on their phones. Finally Grandma said never mind! She sat up. She was determined to do something, you could tell. Just never mind with all that! said Grandma. She said hooooooooo. She put her good hand on her heart. I ran to get her nitro spray from her red purse. She used it three times, which meant we should have called an ambulance but Grandma said no. Ken and Jude talked quietly to each other. We’ve got to get her to a hospital, said Ken. No! said Grandma. I’m not going. If I get stuck in a hospital here I’ll end up with a bill for hundreds of thousand of dollars that I can’t pay and I’ll never see Gord! They’ll never let me get on an airplane. We’ve got to get to the airport right now, before all this business gets crazy.
Ken called Lou and told him what happened, and Lou rode his bike over to say goodbye to me and Grandma. He had gifts for us: a candle he’d made for Grandma to put in her blue glass candlestick holder from Momo and a small angel for me to hang on my wall. I love you, he told Grandma. You’re my heart, man, you’re my—Lou cried. I cried and cried then too. I couldn’t help it. I wanted to say things like that too. I wanted Lou to come with us. And Ken and Jude. I loved my California cousins. Ken and Jude were still on the phone, trying to change our tickets back to Canada. This is infuriating, man, are they not human beings? said Ken. Stay cool, baby, said Jude. She rubbed Ken’s back. I’m trying to tell you! Ken yelled at someone on the phone. Jude looked at me and Grandma like, Oh boy, he’s lost his shit! Take cover! But hahaha, as if that fazed us.