Yeah, no pressure or anything. Christ.
I think about what Hannah said. Be persistent.
“Okay. Well. My name is Daniel. I’m nineteen. My girlfriend, Six…she’s the biological mother. And…” I stand up again, feeling the pressure of this entire conversation and just how much is riding on my shoulders right now. “Sorry. I just need a minute.”
The man says, “It’s okay. Take all the time you need.”
I blow out a calming breath. I look at the house and into the window of the kitchen. Six is in there, oblivious to what’s going on out here. Oblivious to the fact that I’m speaking to a man who knows where her child is.
Our child.
But honestly…her child. The baby she grew and carried for nine months. The burden she still carries.
I know he’s my son, but I’d be lying to myself if I said I was talking to this man and feeling this nervous because of how I feel about a child I’ve never met. I’m not doing this for him. I’m confident Six made the right choice.
Everything I’m doing, I’m doing for Six. And I don’t want to let her down. She needs this more than anyone has ever needed anything. And sadly, the future of her happiness is in my hands. My tiny, tiny hands.
I blow out a calming breath, hoping I can be as candid as I need to be with this guy.
“Can I ask you a question?” I ask him.
“Go ahead.”
“Why did you adopt him? Can you and your wife not have children?”
The man is silent for a moment. “No. We can’t. We tried for several years, and then my wife had a hysterectomy.”
I can hear in his voice how hard it was just for him to say, much less live through it. It makes me think his wife has been through the same kind of pain Six has been through. “Would you have stayed married to her no matter what? If you adopted a baby or not?”
“Of course,” the man says. “She’s the love of my life. But this child means the world to us, so if you’re thinking about trying to—”
“Just hear me out,” I say. “Six is the love of my life. I know I’m only nineteen, but she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And seeing her sad is just… It’s unbearable, man. It’s fucking unbearable. She just needs to know he’s okay. She needs to know she made the right decision. And I’d be lying to you if I said I need this too, because I don’t. Not as much as her. I just want her to be whole again. This broke her. And until she knows her little boy is happy and healthy, I don’t know that she’ll ever heal. So yeah, I guess that’s all I’m asking for. I want to see her happy, and right now, you and your wife are literally the only people in the world who can give her that.”
I press my hand to my forehead. I shouldn’t have cussed. I said fucking and that probably annoyed him. I feel every bit of the immature teenager that I still am while talking to this man.
There’s a long silence, but I know he’s still on the phone because I hear him sigh heavily. Then he says, “I’ll talk to my wife. I’m going to let this be her decision and I’m going to support whatever that decision is. I have your contact information. If you don’t hear from us, I need to ask you to let this go. As much as I wish I could help you, I can’t promise anything.”
I pump my fist in the air. I try not to sound too excited when I say, “Okay. Thank you. That’s all I was hoping for. Thank you.”
“Daniel?” he says.
“Yes, sir?”
“However this turns out…thank you.”
He hasn’t said a single word about our son, but I hear it all in that thank you. That has to mean our little boy is doing well and making them happy.
He hangs up after saying that.
And then I’m left with this emptiness. My God, it’s so heavy.
Being so close but still so fucking far away.
I take a seat on the patio chair again. Part of me wants to run inside and swing Six around and tell her everything that just happened. Every word of that conversation. But the realistic side of me knows that the conversation I just had might mean absolutely nothing. I may never hear from him again. And if I don’t, that means no matter how much I reach out to whoever I can reach out to, this couple’s decision is final. And we’re legally bound to accept that.
I bury my face in my hands because before this moment, I had hope that I could place in a lot of different areas. If one of my attempts didn’t work out, I knew I could try something else to find him.