After Ava left that night, Graham spoke to me about my fears. I will never forget the words he said to me that made me change my mind and open up my heart to the possibility. He said, “If you weren’t completely terrified right now, I would be convinced that we aren’t the right parents for this child, because becoming a parent should be the most terrifying thing to ever happen to a person.”
As soon as he said that, I knew that he was absolutely right. Becoming a mother isn’t about securing your own happiness. It’s about taking the chance of being terrified and even devastated for the sake of a child.
That also applies to you, as his biological mother. I know it was a hard decision for you. But for whatever reason, you accepted a future of unknown fear in return for your child’s happiness. I will never be able to thank you enough for that.
I’m still not sure why you chose us. Maybe it’s because Ava was able to vouch for us or maybe it’s because they told you our story. Or maybe it was chance. Whatever your reasons, I can assure you there are no two people in this world who could love your little boy more than Graham and I do.
We were advised by the lawyer to make it a closed adoption for various reasons. The main one being that it was supposed to give us peace of mind knowing that, if you changed your mind and wanted to locate your child in the future, we would be protected.
However, the fact that you were unable to reach out to us because of the closed nature of the adoption has brought me very little peace of mind. I have been full of fear. Not an irrational fear of losing our son to you, but a substantial fear that you might go a lifetime not knowing this beautiful human you brought into the world.
Even though he’s not quite a year old yet, he is the most incredible child. Sometimes, when I hold him, I wonder so many things. I wonder where he got the adorable heart shape of his mouth. I wonder if the head full of brown hair came from you or his father. I wonder if his playful personality is a reflection of the people who created him. There are so many wonderful things about him and we want nothing more than to share those wonderful things with the people who blessed us with him.
We decided to name him Matteo Aaron Wells. We chose the name Aaron because it means “miraculous” and we chose Matteo because it’s an Italian name meaning “gift.” And that is exactly what Matteo is to us. A miraculous gift.
Graham and I made the decision to at least entertain the idea of reaching out to you a few weeks ago. We contacted our lawyer and requested your information, but I hadn’t reached out yet because I was hesitant. Even this morning, after Graham told me about the phone call, I was hesitant.
But then something happened about an hour ago. Matteo was in his highchair and Graham was feeding him mashed potatoes when I walked into the room. As soon as Matteo saw me, he lifted his hands and said, “Mama.”
It wasn’t his first word and it wasn’t even the first time he said Mama, but it was the first time he applied the term specifically to me. I didn’t know how hard it would hit me. How much it would mean to me. I immediately picked him up and pulled him to my chest and cried. Then Graham pulled me to his chest and we stood there and cried together for several minutes. It was a ridiculous moment and maybe we were both way too excited about it, but it wasn’t until that moment that it felt so real and permanent.
We’re a family.
He’s our son and we’re his parents and none of this would have been possible without you.
As soon as Graham released me, I told him I needed to write this email. I want Matteo to know that not only does he have a mother and father in me and Graham, but he has an extra mother and father who care for him as deeply as we do. A biological mother who cares enough for him that she sacrificed her own happiness to see him have a life that she, for whatever reasons, felt she was unable to give him at the time of his birth.
We would love for you to meet him someday. Feel free to call us at the number below, or email us if you’d prefer. We would be honored to finally have the opportunity to thank you in person.
I’ve attached some photos of him. He’s the happiest little boy I know and I can’t wait for him to become a significant part of both of your lives.
Thank you for our miraculous gift.
Sincerely,
Quinn, Graham, and Matteo Wells
We hug.
We hug and we cry. So hard.
Chapter Six
I don’t even know how to describe this moment Six and I are sharing. It’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I don’t know that I’ve ever cried tears of happiness. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen Six cry so hard while laughing. We’re just a big, stupid mess and it feels really, really phenomenal.