He reaches out and pulls me to him, my back to his front and grabs a piece of cheese, offering it to me. I take it and chew, leaning into him, enjoying the view and the feel of him behind me. He’s so attentive, so disarming, so incredibly good at putting me at ease that I loathe the thought he’s anything but the guy he’s shown me to be.
It’s then I feel his hesitation.
“Whatever it is, please tell me now. I’m serious. I would rather know.”
His breath tickles my ear. “I don’t do things the way most people do when it comes to any aspect of life. I follow my gut, my instincts on everything, and answer to very few.”
“What does that mean exactly?”
“It means I belong to myself, Cecelia, at all times. And I choose carefully who to spend my now with. I’m selfish with my time and sometimes, about the things I want.”
“Okay.”
“But whatever choices I make, I work with, with little regret, no matter the consequence.”
“That sounds…dangerous.”
Another beat of silence.
“It can be.”
AFTER OUR PICNIC, WE DOZED off on the blanket. I’m the first to wake on Sean’s chest where he lays now, sprawled out on his back, hands tucked behind his head, eyes closed, breathing deep and even as I quietly pack up the containers and scrape my hands free of debris.
Cleaning up is the least I could do. It’s been the perfect birthday, though some of his truth stung a little. If I’m interpreting him right, he’s not the boyfriend type, or the commitment type, though his actions in the last few weeks of knowing him have been contradictory. He’s still a mystery even though we’ve spent a good amount of time together. But it’s no longer my need to define us that has me staring down at him in wonder. It’s the ache, the throb, the need to get closer that has me studying the definition of his biceps, the muscular expanse of his chest. My fingers itch at my sides to trace the ring glistening on his lush mouth. It’s my tongue that’s eager to trace the Adam’s apple at his throat. I want him, in the worst fucking way, and I find myself resenting him for the fact that I’m this strung out, while he seems completely at ease.
I pull off my top, leaving on my sports bra and bring it to the cascading water drenching my shirt before I wipe off the sweat and dirt I collected on our hike. Sean lays content on the blanket as I brush myself down all the while imagining what it would be like to touch him the way I want to, to kiss and be kissed by him.
He says he’s a man who takes what he wants, who follows his gut with little regret and doesn’t worry about the consequences. I wonder how he would feel if I were to be so bold with my body’s current demand. I resume my seat on the blanket, just watching.
I’m creepy. Right now, I’m the creepy girl watching him sleep. I turn away, heat flushing my cheeks as I run a hand down my face. We’re completely alone. Did he want it that way? But we’ve been alone before, many times.
My head says don’t embarrass yourself, but I decide to take his advice. In one swift move, I straddle him, lean down, and tentatively run my tongue along his lip ring.
His reaction is instant, his hand shoots up and grips the back of my head as he lifts and holds me just an inch away, running his nose along mine, as my breath catches. His eyes penetrate as he drinks in the look on my face, his voice filled with pure lust when he finally speaks. “Took you long enough.” Then his mouth is on mine, his groan filling me as he thrusts his tongue past my lips, kissing me so deep, wetness floods my core. Mouth never leaving mine, he flips us easily, transitioning me so I’m on my back. As he tugs at the button on my shorts, his erection presses into my hip while he slowly pulls down my zipper. Utterly confused by his fast pace and his reaction to my kiss, I open for him, his hot mouth drawing me in. He rips his lips away and moves a hand between my shorts and panties, one finger gliding along my clit. Mouth parted, he hypnotizes me with that lone finger, moving it slowly up and down.
Up and down.
The pad of his finger alone sends shockwaves throughout my body as he pulls away, and gazes down at me with crippling intensity.
A loud moan erupts as he keeps his touch feather-light, and I grip his hand, urging him for more, bucking my hips for friction.
“Please,” I whisper. “Please.”
“No fucking way, I’m taking my time. You took yours.”
“I didn’t know that’s what you wanted.”
“The hell you didn’t. I was letting you make the decision.”