“Sass, I’m forty, and you’re going to be forty, and I’m too old to bullshit. Your slamming the door on what we’re doing here makes no sense at all to me.”
“What do you have in mind?” she said. “Because Seattle to Maine is a very, very long way. What’s the endgame? What, if this worked out, you would leave here? Move away?” She could see it in his face. “No, right. You think I’m going to come back here, and we’ll live in Dot’s house, and everything will stay the same for you as it’s always been. That’s how you see it turning out.”
“Are you the only one who’s allowed to want what you want?” he said. “And for the record, I don’t want you to be open to this because it’s how I see it. I want you to be open to it because I think you might be happy. Have you not been happy here?” he asked. “Have you not been happy around Junie and Daisy and Melody and going out to my grandma’s crazy house? Have you not felt settled here? Because you seem settled here. You seem good. I can’t tell you what to do, but I think you should at least consider possibilities that might make you happy, even if they interfere with whatever vision you have about yourself.”
Laurie went over to sit on the arm of Nick’s chair and pulled out her phone. She showed him a photo. “This is my house. I planted those flowers out front. I chose them over all the other flowers, in all the other colors. They go pink, purple, blue, yellow, then pink, purple, blue, yellow, because that’s what I wanted. I picked them out, and then I dug in the dirt and I put them in the ground. I made this home for myself. You know how much I love my family, but I like the fact that none of them would plant exactly these flowers. Nobody I’ve ever dated would plant them. My friends wouldn’t, June wouldn’t, you wouldn’t. I got to make it the place I wanted.”
He pointed to the house numbers, which were tall and narrow, and which she had spent an entire Saturday searching for. “I like these,” he said.
“Me too,” she agreed. “And when I walk up to that door, I know that when I open it, it’s going to be quiet, and that is the best feeling I have ever had walking into anywhere I have ever lived. Including the house I grew up in. Including this house.” She flicked the screen with her thumb. “This is my neighbor Sandy’s dog, whose name is also Sandy. I don’t know how that happened, because I’ve only met her twice, but I want to learn.” She flicked again. “This is Brynne. We worked together at The Outdoors when I was on staff. She took me to the surgery center last fall when the doctor had to poke around my insides because I was bleeding when I wasn’t supposed to. I’m fine, by the way.”
He nodded. “Well, good.”
“This is Erin. She came over the night I called off the wedding. She got me drunk and then she drove me to her house and tucked me into bed in her guest room, and in the morning, she brought me coffee and made French toast, and now she’s going to wear my dress.” Flick. “This is Anne. I met her at yoga, and even though I hate yoga, I like Anne, so we go out from time to time and have coffee.” Flick. “This is Jen and Toni, they’re in the—”
“I understand,” he said. “You have friends. I understand.”
“I have a whole life, Nick,” she said. “I have a whole life that I really like, and I’m not interested in giving it up, even though I loved Dot and I love Junie and…everything else. Calcasset is not home to me anymore. My sister-in-law doesn’t even like to visit here, remember? And they’re trying to have kids. There are reasons this is not the perfect place for everybody.”
“I’m not sure the Pacific Northwest is a progressive paradise either.”
“It isn’t!” she said. “I’m not trying to win an argument with you about whose city is better, I’m just…I’m trying to be honest about it.”
“I get it, Laur, but your version of being honest about it is sticking me with being the asshole who’s trying to get you to give up your whole life, and I never said that. I thought you were happy—I thought we were kind of happy. If you’re not, then nobody is stopping you from leaving.” She could almost see him trying to stop talking right at that point, before the next few words came out of his mouth. “It won’t be the first time, right?”
“Are you kidding me? Is that what this is about? You’re upset because I left in, like, 2002?”