I try not to get upset looking at everything that North and his family have worked so hard for us all to have that’s now been destroyed for nothing but the Resistance’s whims and sadistic games. It’s all so fucking pointless, and the ripples of irritation tug at my bond in my chest that has gone back into its dormant and resting state, as though I actually want the cantankerous bitch to wake up.
I still can’t figure out why it’s sleeping.
Atlas wraps an arm around my shoulders to tuck me into his side closely while Gabe takes my other hand.
“Everything is going to be okay, Sweetness,” Atlas murmurs into my hair as we start off, but I don’t have anything to say back to that.
I know that we’re going to survive it. I know that North and Gryphon are going to go into full damage control mode and fix the leaks that caused today to happen. But as I blink away tears, I can’t help but feel as though things are not going to be okay.
Sage was the person who kept me going here when everyone hated me. She’d loved me and accepted me from the moment we’d sat together in the dining hall, without question. Our mutual ‘outsider’ labels and social shunning had been the draw, but it was the sassy and strong heart of her that won me over.
If I lose her, I won’t be okay.
The panicked flutter in my chest starts up again, stealing my breath. It’s as though we’re once again moments away from our Bond Group being torn apart. The little bit of peace I’ve found here in the Sanctuary is gone with one swipe from the Resistance. They’ve just taken a swing at us and, through Sage, I have taken a direct hit.
She’s my best goddamn friend, and if she’s been a spy this whole time… I can’t even process that. I don’t even want to try.
I can't find the words to say this to either of them though, not without causing them both to go on some sort of killing spree in my honor. I swallow roughly around the lump in my throat and duck my head in an attempt to block out the carnage as we make our way over to the house.
All I want is a hot shower and a bed to hide in for the rest of the day, any bed really, I’m not fussy. We fall into an uncomfortable silence, but it's clear they can both tell I'm upset. Gabe’s hand is tense in mine, and Atlas continues to pull me closer into his body as we walk, as though he will somehow be able to absorb all of my worries and fears if he can get close enough. I can't find the words to comfort either of them.
When we make our way past North’s offices and the dining hall, Gabe squeezes my hand gently before pulling us all to a stop. I keep my eyes down and he squeezes my hand again to get my attention.
“Look around, Bond. Everything really is going to be okay here.”
I glance up and look in the direction that he's pointing to find a long line of TacTeam operatives and civilians surrounding the front steps of the dining hall.
Everyone is helping out to move away the debris and rubble that is blocking the path and the doors, while the chef and kitchen staff are standing out front with trestle tables, all of them covered with enough food to feed an army.
There's a group of children standing around laughing and giggling with disposable containers of something hot and delicious looking in their hands, munching away on crusty bread and chatting amongst themselves.
All of the adults around them are covered in dirt and dust, but have smiles on their faces where the kids can see them. Whenever the children look away, you can see their parents grimacing and looking concerned at the state of things, but they're all coming together to set things right.
Gabe holds my hand up to press a kiss to the back of it and murmurs quietly, “This place was never going to stay a secret for long, but I still think it's worth it. I still think keeping these people safe is worth it, Bond. We’re exactly where we need to be. We’re all safe here because of you.”
I swallow again, my voice still trapped somewhere in my chest, but this time, I don't feel as if I’m being choked with guilt and terrible emotions.
As we head back off towards the house, Atlas offers to grab me something to eat as we pass the amazing smells from the dining hall, but I decline. I can't think about food right now, not with the memory of my bond munching on a soul in my gut still so fresh.
My stomach churns at the mere thought of it.
It's only as we're walking back up the stairs that I remember our water contamination issues and the fact that I'm still not allowed to take a shower. Tears fill my eyes again but I hastily swipe them away. I’m not going to work this hard to have my shit together only to lose it now over some goddamn hot water.