“I killed her, Oli. I don't know how or why or anything at all, but I killed her.”
It takes an hour before Sage is able to calm down enough to speak to me properly.
I don't begrudge the time lying there with my best friend and holding her while she breaks apart though. I know that we can piece her back together and that the Sage Benson who walks out of these cells might be fragile for a little while, but she will be stronger and more resilient than the Sage who woke up the morning of the attacks. I feel a whole lot of sadness about that fact and want to mourn the happy girl that there was before, the same way that I mourned the happy girl that I was before.
Now isn't the time for that.
Now is the time to hold space for her until we can get her the hell out of here, hopefully today. Once her breathing evens out a little and the tears stop soaking through my shirt, I pull back and rest my head more fully on the pillow beside her. I glance over my shoulder and find Sawyer sitting at the desk with his laptop, tapping away furiously as he works tirelessly to get his sister out of this.
Gabe and Atlas are both staring through the glass at the two of us, ever watchful in case there's some chance that Sage might attack me. I take a moment to think about whether or not Atlas could actually break one of these walls down to get to me if he needed to and he grins at me as he holds up the key. Apparently my thoughts are way too loud again today if even my non-Neuro Bonded can figure out what I'm thinking.
Gabe is sitting on the floor with one of his knees pulled up, resting his cheek on it as he watches us both. I think he's slightly more relaxed than Atlas because he truly believes that Sage is innocent and that the only threat is from a foreign force inside of her or a kill switch of some sort that Giovanna might have implanted in some way.
I turn back to Sage and find her staring at me through bloodshot eyes, but the tears have dried up, so now is the time for answers.
My voice is barely more than a whisper, like this is just pillow talk at a slumber party and not a complete freaking nightmare situation, as I say, “Tell me everything. I know you've already told everyone else, but tell me exactly what happened and how you were feeling and all of the stuff that you can only tell your best friend. Maybe there's something in that story that's missing that can help us. I’m willing to try anything at this point, Sage.”
She nods slowly, but hesitates. “It doesn't matter though, Oli. Even if we find out that someone has done something to me to make this happen, I still killed someone. Dara’s parents and her Bonds deserve the justice of someone being held responsible for that.”
I nod. “I agree completely, and when I find out who did that to you, I will hold them responsible. Personally. I will set my bond on them gladly, with absolute joy, and we can all watch it tear that person to pieces.”
Sage swallows and shakes her head. “Do you think that's enough? Would you think that's enough if this happened to one of your Bonded? It just keeps going through my head over and over again. What would I do if it were Felix or Kieran or even Riley that this had happened to? I would want everyone held responsible, including the person holding the knife.”
I reach out and tuck an errant curl behind her ear. “That's because you are being harsh on yourself. I know you better than that. There is no way that you would want innocent lives to be taken. The problem is that you don't see yourself as innocent right now because it was your hand that did it. Sage, if anyone is going to know how that feels, it's me. I have been used so many times to take lives. I’ve had to learn how to live with that fact. It's not easy, and a lot of the time I still believe that I deserve to be put to death for what I did, but what it comes down to is that I would never willingly take an innocent person's life. I know that about myself, and I'm confident in that. I know that about you too, and so I will fight anyone, including you, to get you out of here.”
Sage swallows again and nods, still not looking as though she believes me, but it's a start, and it's something to build on. I settle back against the pillow and shut my eyes as she starts working her way through her day.
There's still nothing there.
That is a warning sign for us. She wakes up in her bed. Kieran and Felix have already gotten up to head out to work for the day. She gets dressed in her running clothes and heads off for her usual morning run, then the Resistance arrives. Kieran finds her and protects her with his TacTeam, including Gryphon. She speaks to Felix, but he’s safe enough treating injuries in the Medical Center.
She has no recollection of anything before then.