“You really can’t stand me?” This time, Casey was sincere.
“No, silly girl. I like you quite a lot. I couldn’t make love to someone I didn’t like. Unlike you, my dear, who can.”
Casey stared at him, stumped.
“I should go to bed,” she said, wanting to be alone. She didn’t know what to believe anymore. Was he now being kind, or was he telling the truth? And he wasn’t wrong: She had slept with men she didn’t like. But she did like Hugh, although now she didn’t feel like saying it.
“Will you go back to him?” he asked. Normally, when Hugh conducted an affair, he never brought up the husband or the lover, but he felt that with Casey, it wouldn’t work this way. She wasn’t someone who pretended not to see things. At worst, she would not say the thing, but she knew what was going on.
Casey turned to him, and he cupped her small breasts in his hands. With his thumbs, he massaged her nipples.
“Cut it out, Hugh,” and as she said it, she heard the assonance of the names Unu and Hugh. They both had the long u vowel sound. Jay had taught her about assonance, consonance, and other aspects of prosody. It was like being in bed with all three of them. Casey got up finally and put on her robe.
“Do you want me to stay?”
“I’m sleepy,” she said.
“Should I go, then?”
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Hugh.”
“Very well.”
The drive back to New York on Sunday felt even shorter. Casey talked to Walter most of the time. Walter noticed the change in the car but didn’t say anything. He didn’t believe that Hugh would stoop so low as to seduce Casey. That would arguably be sexual harassment, since Casey was a junior employee. When they stopped to fill up the tank near Hugh’s parking lot in midtown, they decided to park his car and take taxis back home. Walter lived in Brooklyn, so they gave him the first one they hailed.
“I’ll drop you off,” Hugh said when the next cab appeared.
Hugh gave the driver instructions, and not a minute later, he began to feel her up.
Casey removed his hand from the inside of her thigh. “No, Hugh. No more of this.”
Hugh turned from her and faced forward. “Why?” he asked calmly in his work voice.
“Because I feel like a jerk. I’m such a hypocrite.”
And she couldn’t tell him that it was Sunday, and all she could think about was how God must think she was a shit, because she was a shit. If God was God, He probably didn’t mince words. She was no angel, but this was very low even for her.
“You should leave him.”
“What?”
“You could stay at my place for a while. Till you get your bearings.”
“You don’t live with women.”
“I didn’t say live with me. You’re my friend. You can crash whenever you want.”
Casey closed her eyes.
“Unu is a loser. His gambling is no longer normal. You’re hooking up with someone who has no future.”
“Unu is a good person. He’s incredibly honest.”
“Yeah, but nice guys—”
“Shut up,” she said. “He’s a much better person than I’ll ever be.”
“I’m not asking you to marry me or anything or even to go out. I’m just trying to be a friend to you.”
“Thanks.” Casey nodded. The only man who’d ever wanted to marry her was Jay, and she had determined that his will was too weak, and now she saw that her will was weak, too. Unu didn’t believe in the concept of marriage, so did that mean he just wanted to fuck her on the steady? And to be honest, it wasn’t that she wanted to get married now, but every girl felt the insult not to be considered. Wonderful, she thought. She was officially a bad girl—the kind you didn’t bring home to Mother. She didn’t like to cook or clean, and she wasn’t much good at making money on a regular basis. She was able to show up for work, reread classics, and make hats. And as for children, she felt neutral about them at best. What was the point of her being a woman, anyway?
“I don’t see what the big deal is. You said he wouldn’t marry you.”
“He said he didn’t believe in marriage. And I don’t want to get married, either.” Casey didn’t know why she bothered to make that distinction except to cover her injured pride. “I couldn’t leave him now. He’s got no job. No car, no watch even.”
“And his girlfriend is screwing another guy,” he said, wanting to make her angry.