Joseph had not counted on it, but she had come to help. Suddenly, it seemed natural for him to pat her on the back, the way he patted Tina when she sat close by him at dinner. At first Casey stiffened at his touch, then she relaxed. She started to cry, but Joseph did not know why exactly.
A middle-aged Filipina nurse in white pants and a loud-patterned shirt, oversize for her petite frame, approached them. Her ID read “Eva Bulosan, R.N.” Everything was okay.
“She needs to rest for a while, but she’ll be able to go home tonight.”
Joseph sighed, then lowered his head into his hands. Casey could hear him praising God in Korean.
“Nurse Bulosan, my mother. . . ,” Casey said, grateful for the nurse’s smile. Her oval-shaped face was beautiful. “Can I see her?”
The nurse swiveled her body slightly, as if to give Joseph some privacy. She gazed at the daughter’s face intently.
“Yes. Her room is the third door to your left, past the swinging doors. She’ll be groggy, but that’s normal. She might also be more emotional than her usual self. That’s understandable, of course.” The nurse stayed to answer questions, then left. Her step was light, and she was gone quickly.
Joseph finished praying.
“Did you want me to phone Tina now?” Casey asked.
“No. I’ll phone her,” Joseph replied. “You go ahead.”
“Don’t you want to see Mom?”
“I’ll be there soon. Go. Go check,” Joseph said, and got up. He wanted to have a cigarette, though it had been a long while since he’d last had one. He could buy one for a dollar from any of the smokers in front of the hospital. There would be phones on the main floor.
The anesthesia had pretty much worn off. The procedure hadn’t taken long. What Leah remembered was counting backward in English at the doctor’s instruction. She was still lying on the gurney. The hospital bed wasn’t ready for her yet. She was in a shared room, but no one was in the other bed, so she was here alone. She looked down at her stomach. A dark pool of blood surrounded her narrow hips. The blue plastic sheets clung to the backs of her thighs. Where was Joseph? He must know that she was pregnant. The door opened slowly. Leah strained to see Casey entering the room.
“Umma, are you all right?” Casey asked.
“How did you find Umma?”
“Ella found me at the office.”
Leah nodded.
Casey stood close by the gurney. A clump of her mother’s long hair partially covered her right eye. She pushed her mother’s hair away from her brow. Her mother looked tired, but otherwise she looked okay. Fragile, mostly. “God, I was so worried,” she blurted out in relief.
“Umma is okay. Where is Daddy?”
“Phoning Tina.”
“Oh.”
How the hell did her mother have a miscarriage when her father had a vasectomy? Casey wondered. She took a breath.
“Did you have sex with someone else besides Daddy?” Casey asked. Had she actually formed those words in her brain, then uttered them out loud?
“Yes,” Leah answered.
Casey looked up at the ceiling.
Leah did not feel any better from unburdening this truth to her daughter. Her wish to die only resurfaced.
“I sinned against God.”
Casey shook her head. “He got you pregnant, then.”
“I didn’t know I was—”
“How could you not know?”
“My periods don’t come every month.”
“Daddy said he had a vasectomy.”
“He told you?”
“He thought I knew.”
“I deserve to die.”
Casey paused a little before speaking and made sure to speak as calmly as possible.
“I don’t care who you fuck exactly. I’m just a little surprised, that’s all.”
Leah closed her eyes. Her sin had to be punished. Her husband would leave her. Perhaps he had left her already. Everyone should know what a horrible person she was.
Casey turned to check the door. It remained closed.
“Daddy thinks it might have been his baby. Dr. Shim told him that vasectomies are not a hundred percent.”
“I sinned. Against God. Against my husband. Against myself.”
“Do you still love this other guy? Are you still seeing him?”
“No, no. But I sinned.”
“Cut the sin talk. Just tell me what happened and how it happened. Explain very carefully.”
Leah told her about the professor. The chicken pox, the choir rehearsal, the diner, and the sex in the car parked by the subway station.