“That was near your graduation, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah,” Tina said quietly.
“So in the month of June, I managed to miss both your graduation and Dad’s big birthday. You can say that I have a genius for fucking up. They don’t get better than me.” Casey was afraid to ask what Tina had done for his birthday. No matter. She’d never had favored nation status.
“There’s another big party at the seventieth, I think.” Tina tried to sound hopeful.
“Yeah, I should’ve earned my first million by then. I’ll be thirty-four. Let’s just book the banquet rooms at the Plaza now.” Casey was sinking in an ocean of shame.
“Shut up, Casey. It’s going to be okay. This isn’t a guilt session. I wanted to see you,” Tina said with a smile.
She started to talk about Chul. He was likely to focus on cardiology, she said, beaming, at UCSF School of Medicine. His father was a professor and his mother a radiologist, and his three sisters were lawyers. Chul was the baby. Joseph and Leah had already met Chul’s parents in New York after Thanksgiving. Everything had gone fine, Tina said with a little shrug of doubt. Casey listened to her talk, trying not to interrupt—a bad habit of hers—and she observed how Tina’s face brightened when she spoke of him. Casey wanted to believe with all her heart and mind that true love could exist and that marrying young with the first man you made love to could yield a faithful bond. She wished that for her sister right then and there. She didn’t mention what was happening with Ella and Ted. What purpose would that serve?
Tina had to leave at ten so she could take the subway home to Queens. They embraced before parting, and this time the gesture felt easier. Why hadn’t they done this sooner?
Casey shut the front door. The apartment wasn’t much, but it was tidy, and it was hers. She lived in Manhattan—it was called the city, though it was also a borough like Staten Island or the Bronx. Her first year at Princeton, a freshman from Jackson Hole, Wyoming, had asked her where she was from, and when she’d said New York, he’d said, Oh, where? When she’d answered Queens, he’d stared at her as though she’d been lying. Because only one borough counted as New York.
The night from her window was blue and black with the skyline of Jersey City twinkling far off in broken bits and pieces. Next to the sewing machine, her contest hat rested misshapen on the head block, needing more steam to block it than what her teakettle could generate, and the handbag fabric lay uncut on the stool. It felt later than ten, and Casey went to brush her teeth to get ready for bed. Tired and spacey, she stubbed her foot on the open closet door. She bent over to take care of a broken toenail. Her nail clippers were in one of the Kearn Davis gym bags that she used for storage. The Redweld folders with photocopies of her B school applications were also stuck in there.
Why hadn’t she told Tina about applying to business school? Ella, Ted, and Delia, Dad’s building, Tina’s internship and marriage. Life was either breaking down or fusing together. She was trying to start something new. It was hard to picture what her life would look like beyond this moment. Casey couldn’t tell her little sister about trying something new again. For surely it was possible to fail another time.
5 VIEW
YOU’RE WASTING YOUR LIFE,” Hugh Underhill said.
“You’re such an ass,” Casey replied sweetly. She batted her short eyelashes for comic effect.
Hugh smiled back charmingly. Cleaned four times a year by a hygienist he’d slept with years before, his teeth were bright and attractive. “Young lady, I’ve been called better things.”
“And you’ve been called far worse things.”
“Thanks, Casey Cat,” Hugh said. “You keep me honest.”
“No problem, Hedge,” Casey answered. “Somebody has to try.” She continued thumbing through the rack of pastel-colored golf shirts embroidered with the logo of Bronan Resorts.
Hugh was picking on her about her future. Knowing how broke she was, he had decided that the solution was for her to make more money. Pushing her to be a junior broker was his way of showing concern. Business school decisions would be mailed out this month, but with the exception of Kevin Jennings—whom she had no choice but to ask for a recommendation since he was her direct supervisor—no one else at the office knew she’d applied.
The salesclerk who worked at the pro shop had gone downstairs to fetch Hugh a windbreaker vest, so they were alone. The cherry-wood paneling made the place look like a judge’s chambers. As usual, Casey and Hugh were fifteen minutes early—one of the annoying qualities they shared. It was their macabre joke that they’d beat their deaths by a quarter of an hour. Secretly, they respected each other for it. However, Seamus, one of their foursome for today, the client they both liked, was running very late. He had missed his flight entirely. Walter was scouting about for a replacement. Otherwise, Hugh, Casey, and Brett Martin, another client, would make up a threesome. Hugh was not fond of Brett, who jangled coins in his pockets and gave unsolicited advice on your swing. Brett Martin was a nice guy, but a duffer.