He and I were never going to speak about this diary again.
But I did bring it with me when I followed him to the door. It was only when he reached for the handle that it struck me. “How did you know where I was?”
Hawke looked over his shoulder at me, a faint smile playing at his lips. “I have incredible tracking skills, Princess.”
“I have incredible tracking skills,” I muttered under my breath the following afternoon.
“What?” Tawny turned to me, frowning.
“Nothing. I’m just talking to myself,” I said, taking a deep breath and pushing thoughts of Hawke out of my mind. “You look beautiful.”
And that was true.
Tawny’s hair was twisted up with a few tight curls framing her face. Her lips matched her mask and gown, a deep and vibrant shade of red. The thin, sleeveless dress hugged her lithe form. She wasn’t just beautiful as she walked toward where I stood by the fireplace. She was confident and at ease with her body and herself, and I was in awe of her.
“Thank you.” She straightened the material along her shoulder and then dropped her hand. “You look absolutely stunning, Poppy.”
A flutter erupted in my chest and spread to my belly. “Do I?”
“Gods, yes. Have you not looked at yourself yet?”
I shook my head no.
Tawny stared at me. “So, you put on the dress—this absolutely beautiful, tailor-made dress—and haven’t even looked at yourself? Not only that, you let me do your hair. I could’ve made it look like a nest for birds.”
A nervous giggle left me. “I really hope you didn’t.”
She shook her head. “You are so…weird sometimes.”
I was. Admittedly. But it was hard to explain why I hadn’t looked at myself yet. It was so rare that I saw myself in anything other than white, and even when I dressed differently to sneak out, I didn’t really look at myself. And this was still different because it was allowed. Because some who knew me would see me.
Hawke would see me.
The flutter turned into large birds of prey that began pecking away at my insides. I was so…nervous.
“Come on.” Tawny caught my hand and dragged me into the bathing chamber where the only mirror was located. She marched me straight to where the nearly full-length mirror was propped against the corner. “Look.”
I almost closed my eyes, as silly as that was, but I looked. I stared at my reflection, not quite sure I recognized myself, and it had nothing to do with the lack of veil and the red domino mask that had been delivered along with the gown.
“What do you think?” Tawny asked, her reflection appearing behind me.
What did I think? I felt…naked.
The gown was beautiful. No doubt there. The crimson gossamer sleeves, shaded just enough to hide the scars on my inner arms, were long and flowing, and had a delicate lace edge at the cuffs. The flimsy fabric was opaque at the breast and down to my thighs, the gown skimming my curves and shielding those areas. The skirt was loose, and a thicker band of gossamer created the illusion of tiers every few inches, but everything else was as translucent as a nightgown.
I really should’ve tried the dress on. It had been hanging in my wardrobe for long enough. I had no idea why I hadn’t.
Lies.
I knew that if I tried it on, I probably would’ve sent it back.
Tawny had talked me into keeping most of my hair down. Only the sides were pulled back from my face, secured by tiny pins. The rest fell to the middle of my back in loose waves.
Hawke would see me in this dress.
“Maybe I could use my hair as a cloak?” I suggested, gathering the strands into two sections and pulling it over my shoulders.
“Oh my gods.” Tawny laughed, shooing my hands away. She brushed the heavy waves back. “You can’t see anything.”
“I know, but…” I placed my cool hands against my flushed cheeks.
“You’ve never been allowed to wear anything like this,” she finished for me. “I understand. It’s okay to be nervous.” She stepped back and dug around in the little bag she’d brought with her. “But you look beautiful, Poppy.”
“Thank you,” I murmured, glancing at my reflection. I did feel beautiful in this gown. Anyone would.
Tawny returned to my side, a pot in one hand, and a slim brush in the other. “Keep your lips parted and hold still.”
I did as she ordered and held completely still as she painted my lips the same shade as my dress. When she was finished, she stepped aside. My lips were…bright.