If the guards were aware, there was nothing I could do about that or the bitter bite of shame that somehow burned worse than my back.
But Vikter knew. The knowledge was in the deep lines bracketing his mouth as we walked toward the staircase, each step tugging at the inflamed skin. He waited until the stairwell door closed behind us and then stopped on the landing, concern settling into his light blue eyes as he stared down at me.
“How bad is it?”
My hands trembled as I pressed them against the skirt of my gown. “I’m fine. I just need to rest.”
“Fine?” His sun-kissed cheeks mottled. “Your breathing is rapid, and you’re walking as if each step is a challenge. You have no reason to pretend with me.”
I truly didn’t, but admitting how bad it was felt like I was giving Teerman what he wanted. “It could’ve been worse.”
Vikter’s nostrils flared. “It shouldn’t happen at all.”
I couldn’t argue with that.
“Did he break your skin?” he demanded.
“No. There are just welts.”
“Just welts.” His laugh was harsh and without humor. “You speak as if they are nothing more than scratches. Why were you punished this time?”
“Does he need a reason?” My smile was tired and felt brittle, as if it would crack my entire face. “He was upset over my lack of commitment to my time spent with the Priestesses. And today, while I was in the atrium, two Ladies in Wait showed up. He was not pleased about that.”
“How is that your fault?”
“Does it need to be my fault?”
Vikter stared at me, struck silent for a moment. “So, this is why he took the cane to you?”
I nodded, gaze falling to the nearest oval-shaped window. The sun had drifted away while I’d been in the suite, the stairwell not nearly as bright and airy as it had been. “And he didn’t like my attitude during the meeting yesterday. It’s not nearly the most minor offense he has punished me for.”
“This is why I said you must be careful, Poppy. If he lashes you for being in a room while others walk in, what do you think he would do if he learned of your little adventures?”
“Or if he learned that I’ve been training like a guard for years?” My shoulders tightened, the movement pulling at my skin. “I’d be caned, of course. Probably more than seven lashes.”
Vikter’s golden skin paled.
“He may petition the Queen to find me unworthy. And maybe the gods already do,” I continued. “But as you’ve said before, my Ascension will happen no matter what I do. You, though? What would happen to you, Vikter, if it were ever discovered that you’ve been training me?”
“It doesn’t matter what they may or may not do.” There wasn’t a second of hesitation there. “The risk is worth it, knowing you can protect yourself. I would gladly take whatever punishment I received, and I wouldn’t regret what I’ve done.”
I lifted my chin, holding his gaze. “And being able to defend my home, those I care for, and my life is worth the risk of whatever may happen.”
He was quiet for a moment and then his wintery blue eyes closed. He might’ve been thinking of a prayer for patience, something I’d known him to do many times before.
That brought another small smile to my lips. “I’m careful, Vikter.”
“Being careful doesn’t seem to matter.” His eyes opened. “I welcome the idea of the Queen summoning you to the capital sooner rather than later.”
I shivered as I started down the stairs. “Because then I couldn’t be subjected to the Duke’s lessons?”
“Exactly.”
That was something to look forward to, especially since I planned on telling the Queen everything.
“Was he alone? I asked the guards, but they acted as if they had no idea who was in the room with him,” he said.
They always knew who was in with the Duke. They just hadn’t wanted Vikter to know, and I…I didn’t either. “He was alone.”
He didn’t answer, and I wasn’t sure if that meant he believed me or not. I decided it was time to change the subject. “How did you know where I was?”
Vikter moved only a step behind me. “Hawke sent one of the Duke’s stewards for me. He was…concerned about you.”
My heart skipped a beat. “Over what?”
“He said that both you and Tawny appeared distressed over the Duke’s summons,” Vikter explained. “He thought I could explain why.”