“Yeah, it made sense to me,” Lula said. “There isn’t much I can do about it until my moon gets back on track.”
“Charlotte gave me the key to her house,” I said. “I’m going to get some clothes for her.”
“I’ll go along,” Lula said. “You might need some muscle. There could be squatters in her house. It happens when you leave a house empty. Or Oswald could show up. I bet he looks in on that house all the time.”
I drove past Charlotte’s house on Spruce and cut through the back alley. I didn’t see Oswald’s Porsche. I didn’t see anything that might look like a cop car. I didn’t see any random suspicious-looking vehicles.
I parked behind Charlotte’s house, and Lula and I went in through the back door.
“This is a nice house,” Lula said. “You could see nobody’s been here for a while. It’s still all tidy.”
We went upstairs to Charlotte’s bedroom, and I pulled some clothes out of her closet and went through her drawers.
“This is terrible,” Lula said. “This girl needs the queer guy, Tan France. Get his number. Is he in the book? She don’t need birth control with underwear like this. We need to do an intervention.”
I put the clothes and some toiletries in a laundry basket and carted it downstairs.
“I need to use the powder room,” Lula said. “I’ll be right out.”
I took the basket to the car and stashed it in the back. I turned around and was face-to-face with Oswald.
“Hello,” Oswald said. “We meet again. I see you have the puzzle figured out. You’ve obviously found Charley Q. And I suspect you also are harboring HotWiz. Are they in your apartment? Doubtful. Diesel is living there. I can’t see him tolerating two geeks day and night. So where are they? Your parents’ house? I don’t think so. You aren’t that dumb.”
A lot he knew. I was absolutely that dumb.
“I have no idea,” I said. “Diesel sent me to this address to get clothes.”
“I almost believe you. Not that it matters. You’re going to make a nice hostage.”
I reached for the pepper spray in my pocket, and he pointed a gun at me.
“Just call me Quick Draw,” he said. “Don’t worry, I won’t kill you. Not immediately anyway. I’ll shoot you in a horribly painful spot and make sure you hang on long enough for me to accomplish my task.”
“What is your task?”
“To demolish the Baked Potatoes. Silenced forever. A favor to the world. If you’re going to be a hacker, you need to be smarter and better than whoever you’re hacking. They’re not. They’re just plain-ass potatoes. No butter, no sour cream, not even a sprinkling of chives.”
“Has it occurred to you that you are insane?”
“Of course. All true geniuses have a touch of insanity. I happen to be criminally insane and that makes me much more interesting.”
“Diesel thinks you’re boring and childish.”
“Diesel doesn’t even have a last name.”
He had me there.
“Keep your hands where I can see them and walk down the alley,” Oswald said.
“Which way?”
“To the right, toward town.”
Lula came out of the house and yelled at me. “Do you want me to lock the door?”
Oswald stepped out from behind my car, and Lula’s eyes almost popped out of her head when she saw him.
“It’s you!” Lula shouted. “Stay where you are, or I’ll shoot.” Lula was wearing a big cross-body hippie hobo bag. She had her hand in the bag, trying to locate her Glock, which was mixed in with her hair care products, makeup, a bottle of water, and all the other junk she needed to get through the day. She pulled the gun out and before she could fire, Oswald shot her, twice. Lula froze for a beat in stunned disbelief before crumpling to the ground.
I’ve never found the time for martial arts training, so what I lacked in skill I made up for with rage. I lunged at Oswald and took him down to the ground. We rolled around for a couple seconds, and he lost his grip on the gun. It skidded across the dirt road and we both went after it. I got there first, one-handed the gun, and fired a warning shot. Oswald got to his feet and ran. I fired again and tagged him in the arm. He spun around, grabbed his arm, and continued to run.
“That sonovabitch shot me,” Lula yelled. “Big woman down.”
I ran to Lula with my phone in my hand, calling 911.
“I see spots and stars,” Lula said. “I’m going. Lordy, this is it. I’m gonna die and I never even had a dog.”