You have to let it go, Val. Untie yourself and let it go.
Twenty-seven seconds.
Could I make it to the hole with this trap chained to me? I pictured Nora’s body rolling lifelessly in the blue hell, Raj’s corpse butted up against the soapy underbelly of some pitiless berg. The light flashed in the distance, and I loved its battery-powered heart with all of mine, but for every kick, the crate reeled me in, oxygen already thinner in my lungs.
I had to let the eels go.
Sigrid will die without them.
I will die with them.
Thirteen seconds.
I felt for the rope at my waist, begging a god I didn’t believe in for forgiveness. My clumsy rubber fingers grappled at the knot, but to my horror the force of my swimming had tightened it to something I didn’t have the strength, dexterity, or time to loosen. I had no knife. I was wedded to this cargo. I yelped in my mask, contorting my body in a vain attempt to free myself. Priceless seconds wasted.
Two seconds. One.
Blinking red zeros.
With a low hiss the pump of oxygen slowed. My head felt gaseous, like a balloon. I stopped fighting the rope and became still. I felt high. I was an astronaut severed from the ship. The purple beam swept across my retina, flashing deep into my brain. Jump-starting some primal life force.
Flippered feet churning, I reached up and hauled the water behind me, the trap like a boat I was towing. Sipping at the wisp of air that remained, I pictured my body free of anchors and slim as a knife. The purple caress of light bloomed as inky curtains fell darkly on either side of my vision and began to knit together. A violet radiance filled my head. So this was God, had been God all along, How could I have doubted?
But as I was blacking out, that revelation fell away. I forgot why the light mattered. What did it mean, this bright pulsing marvel above me, this tender neon angel? Oxygen-starved weakness rippled through me, ironing me flat. All I knew was to go up, to touch that sweet glow. I was aquatic; I was a sea creature; I was something about light.
What is it? I’m supposed to want light.
Want light.
thirty-three
I shuddered awake. Among the clink of dishes and scrape of silverware, Wyatt and Jeanne spoke in hushed tones, their slippered feet hissing back and forth. I squeezed my eyes shut. Could still feel their rough grip as they hoisted me from the freezing water, hear my oxygen tank bang against the sides of the hole, taste my first sweet shot of heavenly air.
I inhaled the odors of brewing coffee, fried fish, wet wool steaming over the heater, musty couch stink as I gathered blankets tighter around my shoulders. Every muscle and bone of my body ached, my mouth sandpaper dry. I didn’t dare lift my head, only hazarded a peek at the rug—I’d done a fair job cleaning the bloodstains, but how soon would he learn about the broken test tube, did he already know?
I recoiled at the screech of Wyatt’s chair as he dragged it close. Slitted my eyes open and coughed but otherwise stayed quiet. He worked a hand through the graying stubble of his beard as he examined me, something like concern on his face, or was it curiosity? Jeanne bustled around a minute longer, finally landing in the blown-out recliner next to him. Deep blue twilight lent their faces a deathly pallor.
“Where’s Sigrid?” I managed.
“She’s fine,” Wyatt said. “She’s sleeping.”
I shed the blankets. Got myself to a sitting position. Gulped down in one go a glass of water Jeanne set down in front of me. Tried to put together what had happened. Remembered; saw everything. My gut hollow as I choked out a sob. “Raj, he—then Nora…”
They let me cry for quite a while before saying a word; I thought that was strange even as it was happening.
“What happened out there, Val?” Wyatt said calmly, sipping his coffee.
I took a deep breath, tried to oxygenate my brain, keep my cool. “You two were up on the roof fixing something. Sigrid wanted to see Raj, see Seal Man, you know, so we went out there—”
“I saw you. I called. You didn’t answer—”
“Raj—he was about to dive because Nora, she was down there… she was in trouble.”
“What happened to Nora?”
“She was diving, and her line got cut, so—”
“What were they diving for, Val?”
“Specimens…”
“What kind of specimens?”
I drew the blanket back over my lap, suddenly cold again. “How should I know? Raj asked me to suit up, so I did. He dove to look for her, then I dove to look for him, but then his line started acting—”