The tension in the air grows thick as we drown in silence, and part of me wants to take it back. This was an insane idea, but it’s too late now.
Drake sets his mug down and slowly turns toward me. His brows are furrowed, pinched with a deep wrinkle between the two. He’s giving me a skeptical expression as if he’s trying to discern if I’m kidding or not.
I’m not.
There’s a long moment of silence, very awkward silence, before he finally lets out a heavy breath. “I need a drink. I think I saw a bar on the way in. I’ll walk. You guys have fun in the city and I’ll meet up with you tonight.”
His heavy footsteps carry him across the hotel room before the door opens and closes slowly as he disappears in a rush. Feeling defeated, I melt into the chair and stare across the table at Isabel. It’s a long time before she speaks, her sweet voice gentle and polite.
“That was really awkward,” she murmurs.
I reply with a laugh. “Think so?”
“Why did you say that, Hunter?”
“Because I can’t stop thinking about it. I figured there might not have been a better time or place to bring it up, but—"
“Wait,” she stammers, leaning forward. “You’re being serious?”
“You don’t think I’m that bad at making jokes, do you?”
“Hunter!” she yelps, covering her mouth with her hand. “How can you ask that?”
When I reach for her, she bolts backward, standing from her chair as she stares down at me in shock. Seeing the horror on my wife’s face has me instantly regretting everything. I thought there was no harm in asking, but now I’m afraid there was a lot of harm in asking. What if this thing lives between us forever, implanting doubt and betrayal that she never truly sheds after I’ve asked her to fuck someone else?
“Baby, I’m sorry. It was just…”
“You don’t want me anymore,” she replies, tears filling her eyes.
My face falls and my blood runs cold. “Isabel Scott, don’t you say that. Of course, I want you. I will always fucking want you.”
“Then, why would you want me to be with someone else?”
“I don’t know,” I reply, the tone of my voice growing louder as I throw my hands up. “I wish I did! All I know is that seeing you on stage with Drake, seeing him…touch you…it did something to me.”
“Oh God,” she wails, dropping her face to her hands. “This is about that night. Of course it is! It meant nothing—"
“I know it meant nothing,” I say. “That’s my point, baby. The thought of it being more than nothing…turns me on.”
When she pulls her face out of her hands, she looks back up at me with her mouth hanging open and her eyes soft and wet from approaching tears. “Really?”
“Really. Izzy, I would never ask you to do something you don’t want to do. If you say no, then I’ll never ask again for as long as I live.”
“No,” she snaps without hesitation, and the air in my lungs flies out in a disappointed whoosh.
That’s the end of that, then.
It takes me a moment to close my jaw and round the table to pull her into my arms. She collapses easily against my chest as I kiss the top of her head.
“I’m so sorry, baby. That was stupid of me to ask. I know. I just…I can’t help what turns me on.”
“It’s okay,” she mumbles against my neck. “I only want you, Hunter. You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted.” When she lifts her chin and gazes up into my eyes, I lean down and press my lips to hers.
“I don’t deserve you,” I reply, and I feel like a monster for what I just admitted. “Izzy, if I ever made you feel one time in our marriage like I didn’t want you, I’m a fool, and I didn’t mean to.”
“Then, why would you want this?”
The last twenty-four hours I’ve been asking myself that same exact thing, and I wish I could understand the psychology behind why I want this, but none of it makes any sense. It’s not a way of thinking…it’s a way of feeling.
Running my thumb along her jawline, I tilt her head up toward me again. Those emerald green eyes are even brighter when she’s on the verge of tears, and as beautiful as it is, I hate her tears. Seeing Isabel cry feels like a knife to my heart. She waits with those tear-soaked irises aimed at me, and I owe her as much of an answer as I can find.
“If anything, Red, it’s because I do want you. My whole life has been a struggle, but lately, it’s been so easy. Loving you is easy. Being with you is so easy. My job is easy. My friendship with Drake is easy. I miss the fight. I want to fight for you again. And I think seeing you with someone else would wake up that fight in me.”