“I want you to tell me what the hell is going on, Hunter. If you want me to be with only you and Isabel, I will.”
“Really? You’ll be exclusive? No other people?”
An annoyed huff slips through my lips. “Yeah, believe it or not, but I can stop being such a man whore for you.”
“You know I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Yes, you did, but it’s okay. Because for our entire lives, I’ve followed you. I’ve stayed by your side, never gave anyone more of my time because that’s what I wanted. So, now that you’ve really got me…all of me, what are you going to do?”
His nostrils flare as he stares at me, looking both nervous and frustrated, too many demons inside him to let him be.
“You realize this is more complicated than that, right, Drake? Isabel and I are married. It’s not like we can just…”
I laugh. “Just what? Start fucking your best friend and expect him to commit only to you, without anything in return.”
“Drake, stop.”
“No. This is fucking bullshit. I get it. You don’t want me screwing other people and screwing your wife at the same time, but that doesn’t mean I belong to you either.” My blood is boiling, and I feel ready to explode. I feel myself getting cornered in a scenario that leaves me feeling as if I’m somehow wrong for being angry in the first place.
“Then tell me what to do,” he says, looking like he might surrender. And for a moment, I start to feel bad for him, my broken, scared friend. When Hunter struggles, he fights. I know this about him, but right now, what I need him to fight for is me.
I don’t answer for a minute because…I shouldn’t have to tell him. Isabel is so much better at this than me. She knows exactly what to say and how to get him to meet her halfway, but I don’t.
“Tell me what to do, Drake,” he says a little louder this time.
Looking down, I let the realization wash over me. I could give Hunter exact instructions and put the words in his mouth for him, but then what? He’s not going to change if I do it for him.
I hate what this means. It fucking kills me. But Silla was right. Hunter is living behind a wall, one that keeps him safe without being vulnerable. And until he comes out from behind that wall, he’s never going to make room for me in his life. Not like that.
I’ve gone from being his best friend to his fuck buddy.
There’s a bang on the door. If we’re not careful, we’re going to draw suspicion. So I unbolt the door as I stare at Hunter. He’s still waiting for an answer, but I have nothing for him. This part is on him.
“I don’t know,” I say as I open the door, and a man we don’t know passes me. “Just fix this.”
And with that, I leave the bathroom. Then, with a quick goodbye to the table—and a worried-looking Isabel—I leave the bar.
But it’s not far enough. Something tells me even getting a new apartment and a new job still wouldn’t be far enough to escape the damage we’ve done.
Rule #33: Fix it.
Hunter
The workshop is full. It filled up in minutes actually, and we already have requests for more, which is great, but as I stand at the back of the room and watch Drake talking to Silla, I find it hard to focus on the workshop. Instead, I’m brooding, wondering if I can offer Silla a place here at Salacious full-time, even if it means I have to watch her flirt with and befriend the man I love.
I know that even though he’s wearing that bright, flirtatious smile, he’s not happy. Not really.
Isabel keeps glancing my way. She’s watching my reaction. I don’t know, maybe she’s waiting for me to break.
Fuck, maybe I’m waiting for me to break.
Ever since the little fight in the bathroom on Thursday, Drake hasn’t spoken to me much. Nothing aside from work-related conversations about the workshop tonight.
Isabel hasn’t spoken to me much either. I’m single-handedly fucking up the two most important relationships in my life and I don’t know how to fix it. He just said fix it as if it’s that easy. As if I know what the hell to do now. He wants me to come out as bisexual. Okay, will that really make things better? Isn’t that big step for me to decide? Am I really bisexual, though, because so far, he’s the only man I’ve ever wanted to put my mouth on. So what does it matter to him if I come out?
Except, I know that it matters. It matters because until I accept who I am, I can’t accept him. Until I can undo all the hateful, ignorant shit my father ingrained in me, Drake will never truly trust me.